Corrections (PDF)

Questions have been highlighted with comments in the footnotes.

Page 1:
(My life started...
At the moment I began to share it with her.
The beginning of our story together.)
(I want to be with her forever.
I love her.
I love her desperately.)
(I cannot keep this feeling under control.
This feeling… That rules my whole world…
And drags me to her.)
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Page 2::
(This feeling is so big that it can’t fit in my heart.)
(The reason why my skin burns…
There where she touches me.)
(Haru-chan…)
-?
-The phone is ringing.
Who could be calling this late at night?
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Page 3::
-Hello?
-Kotomi?
-M-mom?
-I’m sorry for calling so suddenly.
Did I wake you up?
I didn’t know what time it was there.
-Don’t worry.
It’s not too late.
-How are you doing?
Are you eating properly?
What about the school?
Are you studying? And your grades?
-Uhm… everything is okay. You don’t have to worry about anything.
All right. I know you’re so responsible, but even so…
It’s not right that we leave you there alone for so long.
-Huh?
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Page 4::
-You see, your father and I have been talking about it lately,
and we think it will be the best.
-?
What’s going on, mom?
-We made a good business here, so…
(It can’t be…!
I was naive for really thinking we could stay together like this forever.)
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Page 5::
-But that’s impossible…
Everything in life coming to an end.
(Part A: Unheard feelings)
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Page 1 (Yellow): added “This feeling…” because some readers might not know what is being referred to.
Page 2 (Yellow): it was a little hard understanding what the sentence meant, but I think I got it. Let me know if it’s not what is being conveyed.
Page 2 (Green): I’m not sure as to what’s being said here. Could you maybe explain. My idea is that its saying “The reason I feel warm… in the place that she
touches me…”
Page 3 (Yellow): again not sure about the first part of the sentence, “It’s not right that we…” I think whats being said is “It’s not like we…”
Page 5 (Yellow): This one I have no idea so I reworded it as that.
Final comments: for being a first draft, the grammar was pretty clean and flowing.