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2nd Issue Pro.pdf

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the rest

“Drive One
Like The BHS Crier on Facebook for updates and stories;
also, because we’re terribly, terribly lonely
4 Ur School”
Raises Funds, Illustrated Laughing Utility
by Sam Jones
of English
by Austin Smith

Burlington High School will be
hosting a fundraising event on May
7th, 2011 that is sponsored by Ford
and Lincoln-Mercury Dealerships.
Miller Motors, located in Burlington, WI, will be providing cars for
For every test drive completed,
Ford Motor Company will donate
$20 to Burlington High School.
The money raised from this event
will benefit the Burlington Coaching Association, which provides
money for all athletics in the Burlington Area School District.
“The turnout in the past has
been pretty good,” said Burlington
High School’s Athletic Director
Eric Plitzuweit. Last year Burlington High School was able to raise
about $4420 that would break
down to 221 drivers. “This year,
we are looking to raise the maximum of $6,000,” said Plitzuweit.
According to Athletic Director Plitzuweit, in order to take a
test drive, one must be 18 years of
age and only one member of each
household can drive the car. The
test drives will last approximately
15 minutes. Plitzuweit stated that
there is a pre-determined route
that all drivers will take.
On the day of this event, there
will be 50 hot dogs for sale and
various raffles while drivers wait
to take a new 2011 model car or
truck out for a cruise. The World
Festival will be simultaneously going on inside the Burlington High
School’s gymnasium.
In order to expediate the process, drivers can register online
at http://communityed.basd.
k12.wi.us. This event is completely
free. Burlington High School and
the Burlington Coaching Association encourages drivers to come
on out and test drive a brand new
2011 vehicle.
January 21 - February 19
You will receive a surprise visit
from Libyan dictator Moammar
Gadhafi; he likes his coffee with
two sugars and no freedom of the
press (topical joke!).
February 20 - March 20
Lauren Nadolski - will you go to
prom with me?
March 21 - April 20
This horoscope will be just vague
enough to apply to anything in
your life this week.

A: Neutral position; district and students are content.
B: Incident incites district into totalitarian phase.
C: Student morale drops as new rules take effect.
D: Students begin to complain.
E: Large student/parent coalition forms; school district accepts demands

Astrological divinations good enough for a town this size
April 21 - May 21
Keep your friends close, and your
enemies closer, and your frenemies
closest of all.
May 22 to June 22
You will be approached by a tall,
dark stranger. Avoid eye contact;
he will have a scythe.
June 23 to July 23
Why, yes, you will like fries with
that, thank you very much.

July 24 to August 23
Your relationship with your significant other will be tested as you
both struggle with your habit of
barking while kissing.
August 24 to September 23
When a friend reaches out, be sure
to grab him and pull him out of the
well that he just fell in.

October 24 to November 22
You will wake up tomorrow morning with a mysterious tattoo that
has further instructions on it.
November 23 to December 21
The word “butts” will begin to become less hilarious to you, but only
if you really want it to.

December 22 to January 20
September 24 to October 23
Santa Clause is real - don’t listen to
All of those sessions of horoscope
what everybody else says.
rehab, and you’re still reading this?
This is rock bottom, man.