Slaying the Dragon (partner's past).pdf


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Because you've had fewer sexual partners and have grand views of sex and have had a disappointing
history you might feel special, but you are not. Your obsession and your revulsion with the woman you
love happen because of fear--but not because there is anything truly wrong or exceptional about you.
So, do not beat yourself up for being irrational or special or bad.
There is a contradiction your philosophical attitudes about sex. You want to have sex with someone you
love, as a profound experience. Your partner, let's say, has the same attitude. You then obsess about her
number of previous partners and feel she is different because sex must mean less to her now (wrong)
and then you feel pain because of your past and continue to obsess. You isolate and remove all context,
all reality from her except for this number in the process.
You are now the one who is making sex less profound and meaningful.
The value of sex is not based on a number. As you panic that it is less valuable because of a high number
of previous partners you are then basing the value of sex on a number. The contradiction you are
making is in saying that you believe the value of sex is based on the profound nature of the emotional,
spiritual, and intellectual connection you can have with another person. You can have one or the other,
but not both.
If you continue to base sex and love on the standard of a number, then logically you ought to find a
virgin regardless of who she is; rather than a woman who is not a virgin, but simply one of the best
people you've ever known.
This is why you need to focus on who she is NOW--not for the sake of it, but because you need to
uphold the idea that sex is meaningful because of WHO she is in the present.
Finally, you love her, she is amazing now. She has no flaws in her character that would make you love
her less, she is just such a wonderful thing to have in your life. It isn't too good to be true--if she is
honest, if she is the person you are in love with and you're only problem is with her past, when she did
things less consistent than what she would do now if she could do things over, then you are obsessing
because you've found the last thing possible that you could use to ruin it because you haven't found
anything else to ruin it.