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Harold 'Etapixels' Cheng

excitedly prepared for:


Dedicated to my family, my avatars, the gaming industry and Eli –
You will always be my Player 2.

For Coin, Cleavage And Cake!
A Hero's Preparation
Quest 1: Finding Your Reason To Butt-Stomp Turtles
Quest 2: Character Creation Screen
Quest 3: Setting Goals, Completing Quests

Crushing Your Level Cap
Motivational Buffs For Meaningful Lives
Quest 1: Justice Has No Level Requirement
Quest 2: Critical Hit Your Comfort Zone
Quest 3: Making Mistakes For Fun and Profit
Quest 4: Surviving Random Encounters
Quest 5: Tanking Life For Dummies
Quest 6: Limiting Your Limit Break – Dealing With Anger
Quest 7: How To Think Like A Gnomish Genius!
Quest 8: Party Members With Benefits
Quest 9: Being An NPC
Quest 10: LFM: Party Leader
Quest 11: Sticking To The Main Quest a.k.a Time Management
Quest 12: Sidequests And The Art Of Procrastination
Quest 13: At Least You Saved – Silver Linings And The Magic Of Gratitude
Quest 14: Charity – It's Not Just For Buffs Anymore

Boom, Headshot!
Unlocking Superpowers In Every Gamer
Quest 1: Become A Gaming Badass
Quest 2: Finding Your Player 2
Quest 3: Hunting The Tigrex
Quest 4: CHR – An Introduction
Quest 5: Eat Like Quina, Look Like Kratos (Kinda) Part 1
Quest 6: Eat Like Quina, Look Like Kratos (Kinda) Part 2
Quest 7: Unleash Your Inner Psychic Soldier

The Final Boss!
Putting It All Together
The Final Quest – Into The Belly Of The Beast

Ain't No Rest For The Wicked
Final Thoughts
About The Gamer

For Coin, Cleavage And Cake!
A Hero's Preparation
It is no accident that you find this Book in your muscular hands
today, Hero. Destiny has had an eye on you for a very long time!
It's a long road ahead, but you've already taken the first step to
becoming the Hero you know you're meant to be. Stick with us and
maybe you'll even have a little fun along the way!
Peruse these first few chapters and prime yourself for the rest of the
epic journey! Read on and discover who you really are, what you
really want and most importantly, how you're going to get it.

Quest 1:
Finding Your Reason To Butt-Stomp Turtles
“We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us.”
Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

It's not easy being a video game Hero. Like all jobs, butt-stomping turtles gets
kinda old if you have to do it day in and day out, not to mention the hell it wreaks on
your coccyx.
So why does our favorite plumber squeeze himself out of pipes every day,
risking lasting injuries that will plague him for the rest of his life? Perhaps it's because
he knows what's waiting for him at the end of his journey, or rather, who – a
subjectively beautiful princess just waiting to be rescued. Sometimes he finds her in
one castle, sometimes she's in another. It's an exciting life.
That said, things are never that simple in the real world. You strive, compromise
and break your back just to get through some days, waking up every morning just so
you can immediately burden yourself with a whole bunch of tasks.
You spend each day grinding that monthly salary by tweaking pages of code,
cooking up fairly legible reports and meeting clients who remind you of that pesky
Asylum Demon from 'Dark Souls'.
Most of the time, you don't even do these things for yourself! You do it for your
colleagues, your family and sometimes even total strangers. Dreams, ambitions, call it
whatever you want, you do the things you do because you're fighting for that Princess
in the castle, a reward of some kind that would make everything worthwhile.
Have you ever wondered why you want the things you do? What exactly is it
about these aspirations that makes you crave them so badly? That said, the question
you should be asking yourself is : “Is what I want really what I want?”
Welcome, Hero, to the first of our many imagination-compulsory locales...


Watch yourself! Heroes have long been befuddled and bamboozled by the
incessant whispers emanating from the very walls around you! Whispers that wring,
prod and question a Hero to his very core. Whispers that will either uncover the very
meaning of your existence or drive you utterly insane!

Dramatic introduction aside, let's say,
“I want to travel the world."
Now listen as the walls ask,
“Because I want to experience different cultures.”
They ask again,
“Because the world is a humongous melting pot of new experiences and life shouldn't
just be spent in the office or at home .”
“Because life is short and I feel like I need to get more out of it before it's over”
“Because I can't stand the fact that I might die one day and all I've got to show for it is
a steady paycheck.”
“Because I don't want to be the guy who spends his time everyday just watching his
life pass him by.”
“Because I want to matter.”
Now we're getting somewhere!
The beauty of this short example is that we've only just scratched the surface.
Delve deeper and deeper into yourself, slip past the good reasons and get to the real
ones. Find out just what is it that truly makes you tick.
Dig hard enough and you'll find that most of the things you do in life are driven
by a set of needs that govern the choices you make. It is only by identifying and
acknowledging how each need affects you that you can truly begin to be honest about
what you want.
If you're lucky enough, what you want might even begin to evolve into something
far greater and more powerful, something that passionately excites you and gets you
jumping out of bed every morning - a Purpose.

Essentially, the most powerful driving forces consist of the need for:

In the wild, not being certain could get you killed. Your brain craves certainty.
The lack of it is even considered a pain of sorts and elicits a 'threat' response in
your brain. As such, your brain doesn't just interpret information in the present,
but also finds ways to predict events that might happen in the future.

Case in point: Jim Raynor from Starcraft. An alien-killing virtuoso, he fights for
the greater good and to secure the certainty of humanity's survival, even if it
means facing-off with his ex-love interest, the uncomfortably alluring Queen Of
You'll find that the need for certainty can often cause you to hesitate on plans
you might have and even stop you dead in your tracks if you let it. Your ability to
deal with such uncertainty comfortably is crucial to succeeding like a Hero.

For anyone that isn't starving, homeless or otherwise struggling to survive, the
need for significance is one of the most powerful driving forces that govern us.
Have you ever felt that the only way you can find self-worth is to be richer or
smarter than those around you?

The Pokemon series is entirely centered around this Need. To claim the title of
'Pokemon Master', everyone from pre-schoolers to old fogeys imprison and
battle adorable little monsters, whose only real crime was being named after the
only noise they can make.
This Need is the reason why people kill themselves trying to strike it rich, why
the first thing you do when you see a photo of you and your friends is to start
looking for your face and why you're logged in through the night just so you can
level up before your friends do.
To honestly begin to discover your Purpose, you must understand the death-grip
this Need has on your thoughts and actions. Your net-worth (or achievement list)
does not equal your self-worth! That will always be something you decide.

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