Moms book (PDF)

‫סיפור חיים‬
My
Life
‫צביה (צילה) רודין‬

by Cvia Tsila Rodin
translated by Moses Rodin
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My Life

by
Tsila Cvia Rodin

Thanks to Noy Spiegelman for the beautiful artwork that graces this cover
and that of the Hebrew document

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The Enemy
I was born on July 13, 1936, the poster child of an enlightened future. Most countries in
Europe had made strides towards civil rights for Jews. The sons of Jacob finally got the freedom
to live as any other citizen.
Families Neuermann and Karabelnicov announced my appearance in this world with
celebrations and bursting pride. My parent’s families were hoping for a bright future. Close
relatives pleaded that I wear the names of their loved ones, so I would wear the name Tsila Cvia
Tiabale Jonah - light to Israel … and Gentiles.
Five years passed, and in June 1941, everything suddenly turned upside down. The rights of
freedom slipped through our fingers like sand and equality melted away like snow in hell. Friends
and neighbors turned their backs and no one came to our aid. The world, an asylum surrounding
us, connived and organized a hunt, a hunt for me, Tsila Cvia Tiabale Jonah, the 5-year-old enemy
of nations.
Protagonists of the Tale
Mother - Batya, the daughter of Lev and Etta Karabelnikov.
Father - Chaim Reuven, son of Yehuda Halevi Neuermann and his wife Tsila.
Those who secreted and saved me Zosia Josephin Tashnioskina
Nun Poishieti Apalobiya Poishieti
Iz’ik the Jewish fellow that guarded the barbed wire around the Kovno ghetto for the
Germans.

First memories
I remember an arrow fired from the country toward the sky.
I remember Berg – the mountain of death – grim and gloomy with a murky black cloud as
its crown. Meandering path led to the killing fields. Sadness stained the air and the sun was
ashamed to shine here. I wore a stifling, black scarf as we passed here. I did not know where we
were going.
I remember a rickety, thrown-together hut at the foot of the high mountain that was the stage
of the unfolding tragedy. The hut is our hotel - mother, father and Tsila. We lived in the shadow
of death, here in our valley of tears.
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My memory goes no further back, but my mother told me that on the Fifth of August, 1941,
we were expelled from Kovno, from our spacious and comfortable home. The neighbor next
door, Mom’s friend, had entered early in the morning and told my mother that since the Germans
decided to deport the Jewish community in Kovno, she felt, that as a friend, she should get my
parents dining room furniture which my father had purchased new two weeks earlier. This was
our good neighbor, my mother’s friend. With German efficiency, we were whisked to the ghetto
Slebotka, the poorest part of town, dark, grimy and scary.

Ghetto
When I started writing the story, the words came flooding forth. Little effort was needed as
even long-forgotten pieces jig-sawed together and the pages seemed to write themselves. Within
three months the molds were cast. Quickly, I poured in the iron words that were the fortune of
my life.
After I finished, I set it aside. I felt completed, but after a while, when I started to read the
book, I found the story lacking details about life in the Kovno ghetto.
It seemed to me that this place, “ghetto” was so scary and disgusting. My subconscious
refused to break its seal of pain and disgust.
I will have no choice but to retell a few stories my Mother and Father told me - our first
exit from the ghetto and return to that hole, the story of the brave partisan action and murder of
children.

Train Station
We lived for two years in the ghetto Slebotka, a small town near Kovno - Prison for Jews.
A thick air of miserable grey morose and the smell of desperation enveloped the buildings and
alleys, and this was our whole world. Close quarters held men, women and children, yet it was
the children that least understood the nightmare vision. The children’s eyes were watching all
the happenings in the ghetto, their world. They saw Jews, persecuted, hurt and confused and ask,
“What happened?”
Then, in the confusion of the blink of an eye, I stood at a train station at dusk with my mother
and Zosia. For the past few days Zosia hid us in the broom closet of her home. Her husband
was unaware that two Jews stood stiff in this coffin of a room. After he left for the office, Zosia
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would let us out briefly, for a few minutes we could move. This deception, however, threatened
all involved and we needed to move elsewhere. The train station led elsewhere. It was a huge
building swallowing trains and belching in and out countless people scurrying from place to place
like rats in a maze. I was shocked that we were here, but the shock blended fear with confusion.
Even Lithuanians feared German soldiers. Eyes were lowered and prayers to any grasped deity
were muttered on pursed lips.
I wore a blue coat with fur collar gray my hair blonde and dark brown eyes.
Ghetto girl eyes. My mother, however, was like a totally gentile Lithuanian. She had reddish
blonde hair, her eyes were green, and somehow, she
summoned a proud march, full of firm confidence
and good appearance. All this cloaked the fact that
there was a terrible fear in her heart that secreting
me away to safety was as if one needed to hold a
shadow. But she was determined that no obstacle
or calamity could stop her. This thought has been
etched in all her essence - heart, soul and body.
Days earlier, Mother had said,”Chaim, I’m going to
take the Tsila (for the second time) from the ghetto
and do not try to convince me otherwise. Please, I
beg you, and all the family not to talk about it.” To
me, no one in the family mentioned our escape from
the ghetto until the evening we left.
I just found myself outside the ghetto in Kovno
train station on the way to the village. Zosia went to
the ticket window to buy tickets. Mom and I were
just watching what was happening. Mom held my
hand, seconds ticked and her grip tightened. She
pressed my hand so hard. It hurt so much. I pulled
away but still clutched and pulled at her sleeve. She
bent down and I whispered in her ear, “Mommy,
don’t worry, when I get to the village, I will write you a letter. If I draw a beautiful house, you
can come to me.” Mom kissed me and said, “Great idea Tzilinka.” Tears streamed down her
eyes.
‫הגטו‬
Zosia returned with tickets. Zosia and mother whispered quietly.
.‫זרמו‬moved
‫הנובלה שלי‬
‫פרקי‬I ‫רבה‬
‫ בקלות‬on
.‫מעטי‬
‫המילים נבעו‬
,‫סיפורי‬
‫ לכתוב את‬approached
‫כשהתחלתי‬
Mother let go of me and
away.
sat down
a bench
nearby.
A stranger
‫גמרתי‬
‫שלושה‬
‫ או‬and
‫מאמץ‬unbutton
‫מעצמו בלי‬her
‫נכתב‬coat
‫שהכל‬
‫הרגשתי‬
me and wanted to sit on
the.‫התקשה‬
bench. ‫עטי‬
She‫חודשים‬
handed
me ‫תוך‬
her.‫עמל‬
purse
before
she
.
‫חיי‬
‫הגדת‬
‫את‬
settled down. You must remember that I spoke no Lithuanian, I saw Mom’s eyes filled with
despair and Zosia was frozen
in the
knowledge
that‫אחרי‬
I only
word,
‫לקרוא את‬
‫כשהתחלתי‬
,‫זמן מה‬
‫אבל‬spoke
.‫יצירתי‬Yiddish.
‫ביקרתי את‬Without
‫ נחתי ולא‬saying
,‫שסיימתי‬a ‫אחרי‬
I took her purse and held it until the woman opened
the‫בגטו‬
coat‫חיי‬and
sat down.
gave her
the ,purse.
.‫קובנה‬
‫פרטים על‬
‫חסרים‬I‫שבסיפור‬
‫גיליתי‬
‫ספרי‬
Zosia and mother were relieved. Zosia moved me to the next seat and sat in between the woman
‫ההכרה שלי סירבתי‬-‫ היה כה מפחיד ומבחיל שבתת‬,"‫ "הגטו‬,‫נראה לי עתה שהמקום הזה‬
and me.
.‫ בשל הכאב האיום שסיפור הגטו גרם לי‬,‫לפתוח את הדפים של ספרי‬
‫ כגון היציאה הראשונה מהגטו‬,‫בלית ברירה אצטרך להיזכר בספורים שאמא ואבא ספרו לי‬
.‫ סיפור הפרטיזנים האמיצים האקציה של הילדים וגם הרצח‬,‫והחזרה לגטו‬
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The rule was simple: to anyone who gives safe harbor to a Jew, a death sentence
applies to them and their family. I knew it, every Jewish child knew it.
We all relaxed. I was with Zosia and mother, and I felt mother hugging my shoulders. I looked
around, people came and went, trains came and went, and I kept thinking I was seeing Father’s
smiling eyes, his soft face. My loving father was a wise and good man. Yet I knew that he was
alone, praying to God that everything would go well, willing that mother would return in safety
and security to his arms. I was pulled back to reality by a terrible screech and evil hiss as a train
pulled in front of us. Mom whispered to me in Yiddish to go with Zosia to the train. She kissed
me and said, “Zie Gezunt Mine Kinder.” Tears flooded her beautiful face. She squeezed my hand
and said thanks to Zosia. We had to leave. Zosia put small suitcase on my shelf and sat me next
to the window so I could look at Mother. Zosia sat tight by my side. Mother waved until the train
left. I waved back until it disappeared on the horizon. I did not speak or cry. A ghetto girl knew
not to speak or cry. Mother returned to the ghetto before curfew. In the evening, I was tired and
fell asleep. It seems I slept until we reached the village. Zosia woke me very rapidly and we
picked up our packages and quickly went down the stairs of the train station. Zosia walked before
me with a suitcase and package, I clung to her.
There was a wagon with a horse next to the platform. Zosia put the packages on the ground,
lifted me by the arms, put me in a wagon, and covered me with a blanket. The sad expression
on her face indicated that she was worried I might speak so she put her finger to her lips to quiet
me. She put the suitcase and packages on the cart, and dragged a blanket over my head. She sat
beside the coachman, and the horse took off. Zosia and the driver chatted. I listened quietly to
the clomping of the horse’s hooves. I was awake, I thought of my father and mother. I committed
to writing a letter as soon as we got to the farmhouse, painting a beautiful house with flowers and
trees and the sun shining. Mother and Dad needed to know it was good.

Home – Poishieti’s Village
When I opened my eyes, the wagon was in front of a log house built from forest trees. I picked
up the blanket so I could see the new place where I would live without Mom and Dad, with people
who I did not know. But a Kovno ghetto girl did not cry, a Kovno ghetto girl did not require
anything; a Kovno ghetto girl did not speak. As Mom whispered to me in Yiddish before I left
“you must be a good child.”
I was at the home of Fosckiti. There was a huge barn and a vegetable garden, many trees and
a small lake. Before I left the ghetto, Dad told me Poishieti, Zosia’s sister, was a nun. She was
single and had dedicated her life to Christian worship. She and her family would take care of me
and love me. The monastery that belonged to the nuns allowed Poishieti to hold their property.
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There were other people there; one farmwoman and her husband and a young Gypsy man to help
her to manage and work on the farm.
Zosia knocked on the door and her sister opened the door. They looked at each other and
hugged and kissed immediately. They began to speak Lithuanian. I did not understand a word
but I knew the subject. I tried not to let them see me. I was scared and I wanted my mother and
father. I had tears running down my face.
I was like a small point in all this space, fields, trees and farm. I washed and put on my blue
coat with a gray collar and a thought came to my mind if there is no good after the war, I’ll go to
Israel. In Israel were my grandparents. Mother wrote a note with her parents’ address and sewed
it inside the collar. Mom stressed that I had to keep the blue coat.
Zosia held my hand and a suitcase and entered the hut. There was no floor, just dirt, a rickety
table, thick glass windows that you could barely see through, a wooden barrel stood on the wall
and a bed in the corner. There was another room with a bed and a closet and another closet that
only held a bed. This was to be my cell. Zosia put the suitcase on the bed and said in Lithuanian
that this is my bed. I understood her because she reached for the bed, and then introduced me to
Poishieti, who was a little old lady with kind eyes and a smiling face. “This is Stasia,” she said
and pointed at me. This name was my new name. It took me a short time to recognize that. No
more Tzilinka, Stiebel or Cvia. My name was Stasia. All my documents said Stasia. Poishieti
watching me, I was small and skinny because of the lack of nutrition, my face was round, full of
life and red with excitement. I had lots of blond curls and dark eyes, ghetto sad, but bright. She
took my hand and spoke to me at length and finally hugged me and said “Welcome, Stasia.”
The next morning was nice and warm. We went into the yard and sat on the bench in front
of the house. Suddenly I remembered my parents and my promise. I went back to my room
quickly, opened the suitcase and immediately found the paper and pencil Dad placed within so
I could write them a letter. I drew a nice house, a bit like the hut of Poishieti, flowers, trees and
sun. As I thought about where my parents were, I remembered the ghetto was not sunny. Clouds
swallowed it. The flowers were gray, and the trees were bare. There was no life in it, at least in
the eyes of a child of five. I looked at the picture and I was not satisfied. I drew another picture
and spent all day on it. I then searched for Zosia. I told her “Mama and Papa.” Zosia knew and
understood a little Yiddish but forbade me to talk to her Yiddish.
Years later, I learned that when my mother stole from the ghetto to explore my fate,
Zosia handed her the letter picture. Mom was happy. By the way, Dad kept the
letter until he reached Dachau, but unfortunately once in a moment of danger, hid
the letter in his mouth and swallowed the paper.
After I gave the letter to Zosia, I was satisfied; I laid my head on the pillow and fell asleep.
In the morning, a beam of light woke me up and I knew not where I was. I looked around and
remembered that I was in the house of Poishieti, sister of Zosia. The truth was that I first saw
Zosia just days before, but Dad told me she was a good and generous person. She worked for
Grandpa and had helped Aunt Luba run the house and raised her young family. After I heard what
my Father said, I felt good with her and trusted her.
I got up still wearing the same clothes as when I got there. I saw Zosia and Poishieti in the
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next room, sitting next to the rickety table, drinking milk, eating fresh bread from the oven and
deep in conversation. When they saw me, they smiled and motioned for me to join. They gave
me bread and milk. The bread was fresh and delicious, I ate the whole slice before I sipped warm
creamy milk. I never drank a drink so good before. I smiled and said “a dank.” After breakfast,
Zosia and I went back to my room. Zosia opened my suitcase and gave me a dark skirt and yellow
sweater. I got dressed and went outside into the yard. We walked toward the barn. It was a huge
wooden building with an unbelievably high ceiling. I could hardly see the end of the building.
The building was packed with bundles of hay and fodder and wheat. At the end of the barn were
the animals - cows, a horse and pigs. Several of the large pigs were very fat and some smaller
pigs had glistening skin. There were also chickens, ducks and geese. There was a tall, thin man
wearing work clothes and holding a pitchfork. A plump woman with blue eyes and gray hair
wearing a floral dress and white apron stood by him. It was probably his wife. Past them was a
young man, very tan with black hair. He looked just like the description I had heard of a Gypsy.
Everyone knew Zosia and asked how she was. Zosia introduced me to the workers of Poishieti.
“This girl is named Stasia and is from Kovno. Unfortunately, her parents were killed in a car
accident. She is five and has not spoken since the accident. Please treat her gently; her condition
may improve over time. She is staying here under the supervision of Poishieti.
By the way this story and the forged papers were created in the ghetto.
The woman nodded and said, “We’ll take care of the poor girl and be good to her.” Zosia
thanked them and left the barn. We walked slowly through the farmyard. Here, in the wilderness,
the sun and the fields were all in gold and blue flowers dotted the landscape. Zosia said in Yiddish,
“It’s very beautiful, it’s very beautiful, Tsilinka. Tomorrow I’ll go back to Kovno. I’ll talk to your
Mom and Dad. You must not speak Yiddish.”
Zosia’s leaving surprised me. I never thought I would stay here alone. I started to cry, but
the sight of the lovely scenery somehow calmed me down and I quit worrying. Peace washed
over me as Zosia and I walked through the golden fields. Occasionally, I would stop to pick wild
flowers and Zosia patted my head. I was happy. We returned to the house. Poishieti stood before
the table covered with food - bread, butter, cheese and sweet milk. Poishieti recited a blessing
before we ate a satisfying meal. Immediately after dinner, I added gold fields and blue flowers to
a drawing I made for my parents. Though I did not have colored pencils, I knew they would see
the colors in their imaginations. I gave the second letter to Zosia.
Night was falling and the room was chilly. Poishieti put wood in the fireplace the whole house
warmed up. I sat on the dirt floor before the fire, watched the flames and drifted off to sleep.
Zosia picked me up, dressed me a nightgown, rested my head on the pillow and whispered to me
in Yiddish that she would return to Kovno the next day and give the letter to my parents. She
added, “Tzilnka, be a good girl and make sure to listen to Poishieti.” She kissed me and I fell
back asleep.

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Stasia’s New Life
I got up with the sun. I looked around and no one was home. Zosia had left for Kovno and
Poishieti was absent. Dread fell on me and I ran outside without anything on but a nightgown.
In the distance, I saw Poishieti and called to her. She came quickly and we went to my room and
she helped me get dressed. Without saying a word, we sat down and ate breakfast. We ate slowly
and I remembered that it had just been days since I was in the ghetto.
Food was scarce in the ghetto, subsisting of a little bread and a few vegetables. I had
become sick and my vision was blurry. The doctor said I suffered from malnutrition.
Mom did not let the danger assuage her, left the ghetto and traded some jewelry
for butter, sugar, cheese, bread, jam and other delicacies. We ate our fill and we
thanked God for the blessing. Soon, my vision improved. It was one of the few good
memories of those hard times.
I helped clear the table and left the room. The smell of spring was in the air and the trees were
wearing colorful flowers. Plenty of fruit trees flourished here, pears, apples and cherries. My
heart was filled with joy and happiness at the sight of this landscape. I missed my parents but the
serenity and beauty was wonderful. Best of all, I was not in the ghetto!
Several days passed. It was a Sunday and a sumptuous meal covered the table. There was
bread, eggs, butter, sliced ​​cheese and ham slices. I ate the egg and bread and drank milk. I did
not touch the ham.
I remembered in the ghetto, even in the worst of times, my parents did not eat pork.
Mom and Dad argued about it.
Mom said, “We live, we do not eat unclean animals, the Nazis do not win, not in my
house.”
Father answered, ”Batya even rabbis say that saving lives permits the eating of
anything.”
Mom insisted and we ate no pork.
Now Poishieti motioned me to eat a pork slice, I took two pieces and chewed the red meat.
When she turned around, I took the white part of the fat and I ran to my room. I pushed back a
board and hid the fat behind it. I did not imagine what would happen after a few days. Poishieti
smelled an acrid stench in my room. The rotten, stale smell of the pork fat came through the wall
slats. She talked to me at length but I was unable to explain the smell. She finally found the pork,
but never knew why I did it.
The days passed peacefully, the sun warmed the earth; all flowers and fruit trees bloomed. The
food was delicious and there were no Germans. Sometimes I lay on the grass and imagined all
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