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أنـــا .pdf


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‫”ﺍﻟﺸﺨﺼﻴﺔ ﻣﺬﻛّﺮﺍﺗﻲ ﻣﻦ“‬
‫ﺃﻥ ﻟﻮ ‪ ً:‬ﻗﺎﺋﻼ ﺇﻳـﺎﻫﺎ ﻣﺨﺎﻃﺒًﺎ ﺫﺍﺗﻲ ﻋﻨﺪ ﻭﺃﻗﻒ ﺃﺗﺄﻣﻞ ﺟﻌﻠﻨﻲ ﻧﻔﺴﻲ‪ ،‬ﺟﻔﻮﺍﺕ ﻓﻲ ﺣﻔﺮ ﺍﻟﺬﻱ ﺍﻟﺴﺆﺍﻝ ﺃﻧﺎ؟ ﻣﻦ‬
‫ﺍﻟﺒﺸﺮﻳﺔ ﺿﺒﻂ ﻋﻠﻰ ﻭﻗﺪﺭﺗﻨﺎ ﺍﻷﻣﻞ ﻋﻦ ﺫﺍﺗﻨﺎ ﺣﻘﻴﻘﺔ ﺍﻟﺤﻘﻴﻘﺔ‪ ،‬ﺇﻟﻰ ﻟﻮﺻﻠﻨﺎ ﻭﺍﻟﺘﻤﺎﺳﺎﺗﻬﺎ ﻧﻔﺴﻪ ﻋﺮﻑ ﺇﻧﺴﺎﻥٍ ﻛﻞ‬
‫ﺍﻟﻤﻈﻠﻮﻡ ﻭﺗﻨﺼﺮ ﺍﻟﺠﺎﻧﻲ ﺗﺪﻳﻦ ﻗﻮﺍﻧﻴﻦ ﺇﻟﻰ ﺍﻟﺤﺎﺟﺔٍ ﺑﻐﻴﺮ ﻓﻜﻨّﺎ ‪.‬ﺍﻵﺧﺮﻳﻦ ﻛـَﺪَﺡ ﻋﻠﻰ ﺑﺎﻟﺼﻮﺍﺏ ﻭﺍﻟﺤﻜﻢ‬
‫ﻟﻘﺎﻧﻮﻥ ﺗﺨﻀﻊ ٌ ﻣﺎﺩﻳﺔ ٌ ﻛﺘﻠﺔ ﺍﻹﻧﺴﺎﻥ ﺃﻥ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻟﺮﻏﻢ ﻭﻋﻠﻰ ﺧﻼﻟﻲ‪ ،‬ﻣﻦ ﻋﻠﻲّ ﻟﻶﺧﺮﻳﻦ ﺍﻟﺤﻜﻢ ﺗﺮﻛﺖ ﻭﻟﻜﻨﺖ‬
‫ﺑﺘﻔﻜﻴﺮﻩ ﺍﻟﺤﻴﻮﺍﻧﺎﺕ ﻋﻦ ﻭﻣﻠﻤﻮﺳـًﺎ ﻭﺍﺿﺤـًﺎ ﺍﺧﺘﻼﻓـًﺎ ﻳـــﺨﺘﻠﻒ ﺃﻧﻪ ﺇﻻّ ﺍﻟﺠﺎﺫﺑﻴّﺔ‪ ،‬ﻗﻮﺓ ﺑﻔﻌﻞ ﺍﻷﺟﺴﺎﻡ ﺳﻘﻮﻁ‬
‫ﻋﻘﻼﻧـﻴّـﺘﻪ‬
‫ﺗﺸﻜﻴﻚ ﺃﻭ ﺗـﺮﺩﺩ ﺩﻭﻥ ﺁﺧﺮﻭﻥ ﺑﺸـﺮ ﻛﻮّﻧﻬﺎ ﺍﻟﺘﻲ ﺍﻟﻤـﺤﺴﻮﺳﺔ ﻛﺎﻟـﺴﻠﻌﺔ –ﺍﻟﺸﺪﻳﺪ ﻟﻸﺳـﻒ– ﺑﺎﺗﺖ ﺍﻟﺘـّﻲ‬
‫ﻭ ﻋﺎﺗﻘﻲ ﺗﺮﻫﻖ ﺑﺄﺣﻤﺎﻝ ﻣﺘﻌﺒـًﺎ ﻗﻠﻘـًﺎ ﺃﻋﻴﺶ ﺗﻨﺎﻗﻀﺎﺗﻪ‪ ،‬ﺗﻜﺜﺮ ﺍﻟﺬﻱ ﺍﻟﻌﺎﻟﻢ ﻫﺬﺍ ﻓﻲ ﺍﻟﻔﺎﻧﻲ ﺍﻟﻜﺎﺋﻦ ﺃﻧﺎ ﺃﻧﺎ؟ ﻣﻦ‬
‫ﺃﺣﻴﺎﻫﺎ؛ ﺃﻥ ﺃﺑﺘﻐﻲ ﺍﻟﺘّﻲ ﺍﻟﺒﺴﻴﻄﺔِ ﺍﻟﺤﻴﺎﺓ ﺗﻠﻚ ﻭﻋﻦ ﺃﻧﺸﺪﻫﺎ‪ ،‬ﺍﻟﺘﻲ ﺍﻟﻤﺜﻠﻰ ﺍﻟﺴﻌﺎﺩﺓ ﻋﻦ ﺍﻟﺸﺪﻳﺪ ﺍﻟﺒﻌﺪ ﺗﺒﻌﺪﻧﻲ‬
‫ﺍﻟﺒﺎﺋﺴﺔ‪ ،‬ﺍﻟﺸﺘﺎﺀ ﻟﻴﺎﻟﻲ ﻣﻦ ﻛﻠﻴﻠﺔ ﺻَﺮِﺩًﺍ ﺃﺻﺒﺤﺖ ﺣﺘّﻰ ﺃﻣﻠﻲ ﻭﻣﻴﺾ ﻭﻏﺎﺏ ﺣﻴﺎﺗﻲ ﻓﻲ ﺍﻟﻈﻠﻤﺎﺕ ﻓﻜﺜﺮﺕ‬
‫ﺿﻌﻴﻔـًﺎ‪ ،‬ﺇﻧﺴﺎﻧًﺎ ﻣﻨّﻲ ً ﺟﺎﻋﻼ ﺍﻟﺨﻔﻴﻔﺔ‪ ،‬ﺫﺍﺗﻲ ﻣﺒﻴﺪًﺍ ﻋﻮﺍﺻﻔﻪ‪ ،‬ﻭﻫﺒّﺖ ﺻﻘﻴﻌﻪ ﻭﺍﺷﺘـﺪّ ﻛﻮﻧﻲ ﻓﺎﻛﻔﻬﺮّ‬
‫ﺍﻟﺘﻲ ﺍﻟﻤﺮﻋﺒﺔ ﺍﻷﺟـﺴﺎﻡ ﺗﻠﻚ ﻋﻦ ﻣﺒﺘﻌﺪًﺍ ﺍﻟﻤـﻈﻠﻢ‪ ،‬ﺍﻟﻠﻴﻞ ﺃﺯﻗﺔ ﻓﻲ ﻣﺘﺴﻜـِّﻌـًﺎ ﻭﺿﻮﺋﻪ‪ ،‬ﺍﻟـﻨﻬﺎﺭ ﻣﻦ ﻫﺎﺭﺑًﺎ‬
‫ﺑﺎﻃﻨﻬﺎ ﻓﻲ ﺗـﺤﻤﻞ‬
‫ﻗﻮﺍﻱ ً ﻣﺴﺘﻨﺰﻓﺔ ﻭﺃﺭﺟﻌﺘﻨﻲ ﺑﻲ ﺩﺍﺭﺕ ﻗﺮّ ﻟﻴﻠﺔ ﻛﻞ‬
‫ﻓﻠﻢ ﺍﻟﻤﻮﺣﻞ‪ ،‬ﺍﻟﻐﺎﻳﺮ ﺍﻟﻤﺎﺿﻲ ﻣﺴﺘﻨﻘﻊ ﻓﻲ ﻭﺍﺭﺗﻤﻴﺖ ﺣﻴﺎﺗﻲ‪ ،‬ﻣﻦ ﺍﻟﺴﻌﺎﺩﺓ ﻟﺤﻈﺎﺕ ﻓﺘﺒﺪﺩﺕ ﺍﻟﺨﻮﻑ ﺗﻤﻠّـّﻜﻨﻲ‬
‫ﻣﻄﻮّﻗًﺎ ﻳﺪﺍﻱ‪ ،‬ﻓﻲ ﺍﻟﺴﻼﺳﻞ ﻭﺭﺑﻄﺖ ﺣﺠﺮﻳًﺎ‪ ً ،‬ﺗﻤﺜﺎﻻ ﻧﻔﺴﻲ ﻣﻦ ﺻﻨﻌﺖ ‪.‬ﺻﻐﻴﺮ ﺃﻣﻞ ﻭﻣﻴﺾ ﺃﻱ ﻟﻲ ﻳﺒﻖ‬
‫ﻓﺄﺟﺪ ﺍﻷﻟﻴﻤﺘﺎﻥ ﻋﻴﻨﺎﻱ ﺃﻏﻤﺾ ‪.‬ﺟﻠﻴﺪ ﻗﻄﻌﺔ ﻗﻠﺒﻲ ﻣﻦ ﻭﺗﺠﻌﻞ ﺗﺨﻨﻘﻨﻲ ﻛﺎﺩﺕ ﺣﺘﻰ ﻋﻨﻘﻲ ﺣﻮﻝ ﺍﻟﺨﻮﻑ ﺣﻠﻘﺎﺕ‬
‫ﻭﺍﻧـﺪﻓــﺎﻋﻬﺎ ﺍﻟـﺤﻴﺎﺓ ﺣـﺐ ﻣﺴﺘـﺬﻛﺮﺓ ﺗﺴـﺘـﺪﻣﻊ ﺯﻭﺍﻳﺎﻫﺎ‪ ،‬ﻣﻦ ﺯﺍﻭﻳﺔٍ ﻓـﻲ ﺟﺎﺛــﻴﺔ ﺩﺍﻣﺴﺔ‪ ،‬ﻏﺮﻓﺔ ﻓﻲ ﻧﻔـﺴـﻲ‬
‫ﻓـﻲ‬
‫ﻣﺎﺿﻴﻬﺎ‬
‫ﺍﻟﺤﺮﺓ ﺍﻟﻨﻔﺲ ﺃﻧﺎ ‪:‬ﺻﻮﺗﻬﺎ ﺑﺄﻋﻠﻰ ﺻﺎﺭﺧﺔ ﺃﺻﻢ‪ ،‬ﻭﻛﺄﻧﻨﻲ ﺑﺎﻟﺼـﺨﺐ ﻓﺄﺟﺎﺑﺘﻨﻲ ﺃﻧﺖِ؟ ﻣﻦ ‪:‬ﺷﻮﻕ ﺑﻜﻞ ﺳﺄﻟﺘﻬﺎ‬
‫ﻭﺛﺎﻗﻲ ﻓـﻚ !ﺣـﻮﻟﻬﺎ ﺳـﻼﺳﻠﻚ ﻭﺃﻭﺛـَـﻘـﺖْ ﺣﺮﻳﺘﻬﺎ‪ ،‬ﻓـﺄﺳَﺮَﺕْ ﺟِـﻴﺪﻫﺎ‪ ،‬ﺣﻮﻝ ﻭﻟﻔّﺘﻬﺎ ﻗﻴﻮﺩًﺍ ﺻﻨَﻌـَــﺖْ ﺍﻟﺘﻲ‬
‫ﻭﺃﺯﺡ‬
‫ﺍﻟﻘﺎﺳﻴﺔ ﺍﻟﺤﻴﺎﺓ ﺑﻬﺬﻩ ﺫﺭﺍﻋًﺄ ﺿﻘﺖ ﻓﺈﻧﻲ ﺍﻟﺴﻮﺩﺍﺀ‪ ،‬ﺍﻟﻐﻤﺎﻣﺔ ﺗﻠﻚ ﻋﻨﻲ‬
‫ﺣﺎﺿﺮﻱ ﻓﻲ ﻳﻨﺒﺜﻖ ﺯﺍﻝ ﻣﺎ ﺍﻟﻤﻮﺣﺶ ﺍﻟﻤﺎﺿﻲ ﻷﻥ ﺍﻟﻤﺤﺎﻭﻟﺔ ﻣﻦ ﻻﺟﺪﻭﻯ ﻭﻟﻜﻦ ﺍﻟﻮﺛﺎﻕ‪ ،‬ﻓﻚ ﻋﺒﺜــًﺎ ﺣﺎﻭﻟﺖ‬
‫ﺿﺪّﻱ ﻗﻮﺍﻩ ﻭﻳﺴﺘﺠﻤﻊ ﻳﻨﺎﻓﺴﻨﻲ ﺃﺻﺒﺢ ﺃﻧﻪ ﺣﺘﻲ ﻭﻣﺘﻌﺎﻇﻢ ﻣﺘﻤﺎﺳﻚ ﺍﻟﺴﻼﺳﻞ ﻓﺤﺪﻳﺪ ﻣﺴﺘﻘﺒﻠﻲ‪ ،‬ﻓﻲ ﻭﻳﺘﻮﻏﻞ‬
‫ﻓﻴﻪ ﺣﻴﺎﺓ ﻻ ﻣـﺮﺁﺓ ﺃﺣﺎﺩﺙ ﻭﺣـﻴﺪًﺍ ﻧﻔﺴﻲ ﺃﺟﺪ ﺣـﺘﻰ ﻋـﻴﻨﺎﻱ ﺃﻓﺘـﺢ ﺇﻥ ﻭﻣـﺎ ﻟﺪﻱ‪ ،‬ﺍﻟﻤﺘﺒﻘـﻲ ﺍﻟﻄﺎﻗﺔ ﻛﻞ ﻣﺴـﺘﻨﻔﺬًﺍ‬
‫ً ﻳﻤﻨﺔ ﺃﻟﺘﻔﺖ ﺟﺎﻧﺐ‪ ،‬ﻛﻞ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻹﺣﺒﺎﻁ ﺑﻲ ﻳﺤﻴﻂ ﻟﻠﻔﺮﺍﺭ‪ ،‬ﺗﺸﺪﻧﻲ ﺟﺎﻣﺤﺔ ﺑﺮﻏﺒﺔ ﻭﺃﺷﻌـﺮ ﺛﺎﻧﻴﺔ ﻟﻠﺨﻮﻑ ﺃﻋﻮﺩ‬
‫ﻓﻴﺒﻘﻰ ﺃﺳﺘﺮﺣﻤﻪ‪ ،‬ﺃﻗﺪﺍﻣﻪ‪ ،‬ﺗﺤﺖ ﺃﺭﺗﻤﻲ – ﻭﺟﻬﻲ ﻓﻲ ﻓﻴﺒﺘﺴﻢ ﻋﻴﻨﻴﻪ ﻓﻲ ﺃﻧﻈﺮ ﻳﻄﺎﺭﺩﻧﻲ‪ ،‬ﻓﺄﺭﺍﻩ ً ﻭﻳﺴﺮﺓ‬
‫ﺳﺒﻴﻠﻲ‪ ،‬ﻳﺨﻠﻲ ﺑﺄﻥ ً ﻣﺘﺄﻣﻼ ً‪ ،‬ﻗﻠﻴﻼ ﺃﻧﺘﻈﺮ ﻧﻔﺴﻲ‪ ،‬ﻋﻠﻰ ﻣﺸﻔﻘـًﺎ ﺇﻟﻴﻪ ﺃﻧﻈﺮ ﻋﻨﻴﺪًﺍ‪ ،‬ﺟﺒّﺎﺭًﺍ ﺃﻣﺎﻣﻲ ﺍﻹﺣﺒﺎﻁ‬
‫ﺍﻵﻥ‪ ،‬ﻧﻘﻴﺒﻲ ﻫﻮ ﺍﻟﻤﻮﺕ ﺷﺒﺢ ﻭﺃﻥ ﻓﺎﺕ ﻗﺪ ﺍﻷﻭﺍﻥ ﺃﻥ ﻟﻴُﻌْﻠﻤﻨﻲ ﻣﺮّﺓ‪ ،‬ﻷﻭﻝ ﻓﺎﻩ ﻓﺘﺢ ﺣﺘﻰ ﻟﺤﻈﺎﺕ ﻣﺮّﺕ‬

‫ﺍﻟﻨﺴﺎﺀ ﻭﻧﻮﺍﺡ ﺍﻷﺳﻨﺎﻥ ﺮﺻﺮﻳ ﻳـَﻌﻤّـُﻪُ ﺳﺨﻴﻦ ﻣﻜﺎﻥ ﻓﻲ ﺍﻟﺪﻫـﺮ ﺑﻲ ﻟﻴﺮﻣﻲ ﻭﻃﻤﺄﻧﻴﻨﺔ‪ ،‬ﺑﺴﻼﻡ ﻋﻴﻨﻲ ﺃﻏﻤﺾ‬
‫ﺍﻟﺮﺟﺎﻝ ﻭﺻﺮﺍﺥ‬
‫ﺻﻔﺤﺎﺗﻪ ﺍﻟﺪﻫـﺮ ﻃﻮﻯ ٍ ﻛﺘﺎﺏ ﻓﻲ ً ﺭﺟﺴﺔ ﻭﺭﻗﺔ ﻧﻔﺴﻲ ﻓﺄﺟﺪ‬
‫ﺍﻟﻌﻈﺎﻡ ﺃﺑﻮ ﺃﺷﺮﻑ‬
‫ﺍﻟﺠﺒﻴﻬﺔ ‪ -‬ﺍﻟﺜﺎﻧﻮﻳﺔ ﺍﻟﻼﺗﻴﻦ ﻣﺪﺭﺳﺔ – )ﺏ( ﺍﻟﻌﺎﺷﺮ ﺍﻟﺼﻒ‬


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