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Essential Equipment All Beginner Bikers Should Have
By Ma rvi n Ca va l i da 2015-01-11
Biking is a rewarding activity as proven by more than a jillion riders worldwide through the
years. Part of its popularity comes from the convenience and simplicity of the sport. After all,
all you need is just a pair of working legs and a bike, right? Well, yes and no. While it is true
that biking is as basic as basketball (body, ball and hoop), there are a few more must-haves to
keep in mind if you want to keep pedalling happy.
Why you need it: To keep your brain from fleeing your skull in case you decide to
take a flight over the handlebars.
If you decide to not get one: Always have a bowl filled with ice ready for
transporting what’s left of your spilled brain matter to the nearest head trauma unit, in
the off chance of bashing your head on the pavement. Also, prayer to pope francis
before starting on every ride may help.
2. Padded Cycling Shorts
Why you need it: Because you aren’t fond of getting your bottom ripped to shreds by
the seams of your shorts.
If you decide to not get one: Prepare for saddle soreness and chaffing skin in parts
where the sun don’t shine.
3. Tire Pump
Why you need it: Beats having to blow air directly into your tire valve using your
If you decide to not get one: Develop enough lung power to inflate your tire to
65psi while stuck in the middle of nowhere. Or, trick a friend to go with you on every
ride so he can carry the ridiculously lightweight tire inflator you’re so lazy to carry.
4. Spare Inner Tube
Why you need it: Flat tires happen for a reason. Either you ran over what was
obviously a broken bottle or your tire has won the lottery for finding the only sharp
plant thorn on the road within a hundred kilometres. While a tire patch can usually
remedy the situation, the amount of work is less with an inner tube replacement and
guaranteed to fix the issue. Just be sure to pack a tire pump as well or you’d feel really
stupid performing a blowjob on your tire for everyone to see.
If you decide to not get one: Exclusively ride in places where there are a lot of bike
shops like cartimar so you can conveniently have a mechanic help you should the air in
your tires join the atmosphere thru a gaping hole. Seriously though, I don’t see any
semblance of fun in biking around cartimar.
Why you need it: Because our hands are equipped with delicately soft fingers mainly
for the pleasurable task of poking your nose and hopefully, your partner’s genitals
instead of tightening nuts and bolts.
If you decide to not get one: Have teeth re-enforced with titanium so you can bite
down hard on bolts as you desperately try to securely attach the stem to the steerer
6. Bike Lock
Why you need it: Because thieves don’t just hang around government offices
pretending to be public officials. Some individuals like Rocket Racoon just love to run off
with stuff they feel they should have.
If you decide to not get one: Move to Canada and travel back in time to the 60’s
where bike theft wasn’t a thing yet.
7. Skills and common sense
Why you need it: Because you actually want to continue to ride bikes. Like
everything we enjoy doing, we want to do it all over again for the pure heck of it. To get
more out of it, you have to develop skills based on what you experience. Biking isn’t
unlike sex in that way, the more experience you get, the more fun you should be getting
out of it.
As you ride more and more, you will eventually get to a point where your skills plateau
at a level where you feel you don’t need more. However, you will not get there unless
you practice common sense and keep yourself alive long enough to actually enjoy.
If you decide to not get one: Get a multimillion life insurance policy in place prior
to your first ride out because you will probably die from a horrific crash or get run over
by the same truck you were cleverly using as a shade from the sun while waiting for a
Ride safe and God Bless!