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Alternate History Discussion Board (http://www.alternatehistory.com/discussion/index.php)
- Alien Space Bats and Other Magic
- - Hogwarts Exposed Timeline


July 29th, 2011 05:07 PM


Originally Posted by TheHumblePoet (Post 4829485)
Could I please get a link?
Here it is :)


July 30th, 2011 12:00 AM

Update #394: I Hope the QE2 Can Be an Icebreaker
----------Wednesday, October 16, 1996
----------NEXT UP: Which One Is Undesirable #1?
----------Edwin Mueller looked around the park at the edge of the lake. "Praetor, this is amazing!
How long did it take you to build this?"
Praetor Tsandor smiled. "It took a matter of months and that was it. Remember that we
have magic at our disposal down here."
"Is this a natural lake, or did you construct it?"
"Believe it or not, it's natural. It empties into the Southern Ocean through a river on the
other side of the city. Merpeople brave enough to swim through the cold waters down here
can actually come and visit us through that channel."
Poole whistled. "Interesting. You've got a way for vessels from the outside to reach your
"In theory, yes. In practice, however, most of the river is under the ice so I don't see how

well Muggle ships can make it over here. Maybe if they knew how to travel underwater."
Mueller cut back in. "Praetor, we do have underwater vessels. They're called submarines,
and a couple of them are protecting Atlantis at all times now. You know, sir, a place like this
could become a prime Muggle tourist destination if that channel is wide enough to admit
Tsandor grimaced momentarily, but his face soon cleared up. "Perhaps. However, keep in
mind that we aren't accustomed to dealing with outsiders. Many of us will be scared,
especially if the submarine comes from a Western nation."
The Chinese man looked over at the waterfront a few hundred feet away, where several of
the locals were eyeing them wairly. "That's another thing I don't get. Why exactly do you
guys fear people from the West?"
"Our country was founded by people fleeing anti-wizard colonial policies, Mr. Chang. This
part of the world was relatively unknown to the Europeans, but not to the merpeople. They
told us about this lake and helped us settle down here."
There was a distinct pause, and finally Leonard spoke. "Praetor, I come from Australia, a
nation which was once part of the British colonial empire. I can tell you that times have
changed. If you took a look at a modern world map, the empires have all disappeared and
the colonies have gained independence for the most part. You have nothing to fear
anymore. If anything, we Muggles will marvel at what you have done down here. You have
managed to settle where people like us couldn't have dreamed."
Zhukov grinned. "If you want monetary compensation for what your oppressors did to you,
you can always have them come down here in their submarines and pay to visit. This would
also open up trade with the outside world. You'd never know when Muggle technology would
come in handy."
A new voice cut in, and Mueller turned as the Foreign Minister headed in their direction.
"That may not be a bad idea. However, we'll have to think about it -- we don't want to push
things too fast down here."
Zhukov continued. "There's another alternative -- you can leave this underground city and
return to the lands you came from as the colonial threat is gone. You probably wouldn't
mind feeling the sun on your face without the ice in the way."
"Indeed, we wouldn't mind feeling the sun directly. Sometimes we take the form of
penguins and go exploring on the peninsula, but that's as far as we can go. As far as the
relocation goes, the simple fact is we've all grown up here. This is our home now, and none
of the people who originally emigrated here are still alive."
Mueller nodded and looked back at the lake. "Are there any native lifeforms in the lake or in
the area surrounding the city?"
The Praetor nodded. "Indeed, there are fish in the lake unique to this area. The area
surrounding the lake, however, is artificial and does not have any native lifeforms. Are you
thinking of examining these creatures?"
Mueller nodded vigorously. "Absolutely. We are scientists, and these animals have been
isolated from the outside world for millions of years."

Tsorak bit his lip. "We'll see what we can do to set up a naturalist expedition. Keep in mind,
however, that the endemic creatures are not very common anymore. When we brought our
fish in to feed ourselves --"
The researchers swore in unison, and Mueller let it out. "Let me guess. Your fish ate
everything in here because they had no predators and the fish here weren't expecting to
become prey."
The Praetor blinked. "Why, that is exactly what happened. I'm impressed, sir -- you must be
very smart. There are a few local species left in niches here and there, however. We've
taken some care to make sure they don't die out as we've managed to extract some
interesting spell components and herbal remedies from them."
Mueller breathed a sigh of relief. "That was a wise move, Praetor. I'd recommend putting
some kind of barrier in the lake and confining your fish to one side of it, the one nearest the
town. That way, you won't have to look as far for your food and the native species will be
able to come back."
Praetor looked at the lake thoughtfully. "That might not be a bad idea. I'll bring it up at the
next Senate meeting. That should be next Fire Day."
Zhukov frowned. "Fire Day?"
The Foreign Minister smiled. "We have an unusual calendar down here. With the seasons
and constellations all in disarray because of our proximity to the pole and our belief in the
Five Gods of Magic, we've developed a calendar which consists of 73 five-day weeks, where
each of the days is named after a different god. Every four years there's a special holiday
dedicated to all five gods which occurs at the end of the year."
Mueller did the math in his head and turned to the rest of the researchers. "Heh. 73*5 =
365. It sounds like they've developed something based on the Julian calendar with five day
weeks. I wonder..."
He turned back to the Praetor. "Do you ever find the equinoxes and such getting out of
whack with the beginning of the year?"
The Foreign Minister nodded. "It's gotten off by a few days. However, it's pretty close. You
can do better?"
Everyone nodded in unison. "Indeed, Praetor, we can. Let us tell you about it."
The Foreign Minister listened attentively as the researchers explained the Gregorian
calendar. Once the presentation was done, he nodded. "Very interesting. I'll bring this up
with the Senate as well."
The Praetor then brought out a bottle of green liquid, which Mueller looked at warily.
Pouring it into glasses, Tsandor gestured to the bottle. "Do you drink alcohol or wine in your
culture? This is a bottle of fine wine from the land of Syrdan. Only highly-ranking Muggles
are allowed to drink it."
Mueller looked at the rest of the Muggles, who were as baffled as he was. "Syrdan? Where
is that? Is that somewhere else under the ice cap?"

"No, sir. It's in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, and I would expect that your world already
knows about it by now since it is almost certainly going to be on the map which exposed us.
You DID know about it, right?"
-----Professor Flitwick looked at Dumbledore. The man had survived, but he seemed to have lost
a lot of his memories and his speech was somewhat slurred. Flitwick had handed over the
former headmaster's Pensieve hoping that it would fill in some of the blanks.
Flitwick watched as Moody brought Dumbledore up to speed. "That's about it, Albus. You
went down, and the Death Eater stole the Elder Wand and killed Severus when he came to
investigate. He cast the Dark Mark with the Elder Wand, and the supercharged spell brought
the snake to life. It attacked the people on the Astronomy Tower, killing Sinistra and many
Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff NEWT students. Two famous Muggle scientists, Professors Moore
and Hawking have taken over for Sinistra. Hawking was actually very sick at the time we
got to him, but Madam Pomfrey was able to cure him to the point where he can now walk
with a cane."
Dumbledore nodded. "That's good news. However, I am a bit disturbed by the fact you
believe the Death Eaters are after the Deathly Hallows so that they can bring back
Voldemort. That would explain their attack upon me, of course. I take it Nicholas has given
the Resurrection Stone to Atlantis?"
Moody nodded. "He has done so, Albus. I highly doubt the Death Eaters would be stupid
enough to actually try to get into Atlantis. Particularly since an international manhunt is
underway for the Zygonovs."
"That takes care of the second Hallow. However, there is something urgent I need to tell
you. Would you agree that we need to keep the third Hallow out of the Death Eaters' hands
as well? Especially if they don't realize the Resurrection Stone is out of play?"
Flitwick nodded. "I agree. You know where it is?"
"I believe I do. And trust me, Filius, you're not going to believe it."
Moody grunted. "Considering what's happened over the past nine months, I'll buy anything.
All right, Albus. Where is it?"
Dumbledore told them, and there was a long pause. Finally, Moody burst out swearing.
"Is there anything that kid is NOT involved with?"
To be continued...
[Incidentally, Moody's comment is spot on, and it exposes what is effectively an ASB-sized
plot hole in the original Rowling canon. How would an 11-year-old kid wind up with one of
the three Deathly Hallows without invoking ASB's? Come to think of it, how did Dumbledore
wind up with the world's most powerful wand? How did all of these magical artifacts wind up
in Britain at the same time? Why doesn't the ICW (wherever it is) intervene when
Voldemort takes over the Ministry of Magic? There are so many ASB's in the Rowling


July 30th, 2011 10:54 AM

Keep in mind that summer and winter (long day and long night on the South Pole) are the
opposites of what we have in the northern hemisphere. The date being the middle of
autumn it doesn't affect the story much, fortunately.


July 30th, 2011 03:15 PM

Update #394.5 Not What I Had In Mind
----------Wednesday, October 16, 1996
20 miles south of Belaya Gora
Abyysky District
Sakha Republic
Russian Federation
----------The muksun was a fine specimen of it's kind, silvery, fusiform, half a meter long. Soon, it
would travel upriver to find a suitable stream for spawning, but now it was lazily swimming
through the clear, sunlit waters of the river, looking for smaller fish, insects or crabs. The
prey never stood a chance. Faster than it could flinch it was impaled by a wicked, serrated
knife, tightly fixed to a straight tree branch to create a makeshift spear, and hauled out of
the water. Sevastyan Orlov neatly decapitated the trashing fish with another knife, uttered
a praise to the Black God, and started gutting it. Looking up at the setting sun, he decided
to call it a day and set up camp as soon as he found a good place.
He had been wandering in this wilderness since Friday. He salvaged what he could and
dared from the empty safe house where the Portkey deposited him, but sometimes he felt
he hadn't given himself enough time for that. Sure, it was only a matter of time until the
enemy noticed his escape, and they would send trackers after him... but even if it was only
the middle of autumn according to the calendar, he felt the gathering cold already, and
knew that winter is coming. He didn't recognise any prominent landmarks, but the stars,
plants and climate told him he's somewhere in the Russian Far East. He found the river the
day before yesterday, and followed it down ever since, knowing that following it would
probably lead him to civilisation, but would certainly lead him north.
He had to find a settlement, and soon. The food he could take was good for a week, two if
he are sparingly, and he could fish now that he found the river. But the trees have already
shed their leaves and there were no berries left to gather. He salvaged a good tent, a warm
bedroll, and a backpack, but he wasn't so lucky when it came to clothing or weapons. There
were none of the latter, and judging by the safe house's wardrobe, none of Mab's minions
were human males, a fact that limited his looted clothing to a gaudy and ill-fitting fur cloak
and other items even more obviously belonging to females with twisted sense of taste. How
in Tchernobog's name will he walk into a village dressed like that?

His musings were interrupted by the distant roar of an old engine. Straining his ears, he
heard it approaching from the south, then he saw a faint, barely visible light filtering
through the trees... then the roar stopped. By then, he identified it as an old pickup truck,
one of the crude but durable designs from the late USSR, about a mile away. Not wanting to
miss the opportunity, he grabbed his katana and started moving towards the source of light
as fast and as silently as he could.
----------Abram Yakov took another swing of his bottle of Vodka. He stopped to empty his bladder
maybe ten minutes ago, but to his irritation he found himself unable to relieve himself, no
thanks to old age. He came to these parts as a hunter and trapper, gathering furs in the
summer, selling them and drinking booze in the winter. This year's catch was good enough
for a happy winter in Yakutsk... a thought that should have made him relaxed enough. Well,
perhaps with a little more alcohol... he put the bottle away and started whistling a tune,
when he felt a slight prodding on his back and heard a cold voice say: "Don't move. Slowly,
lift your hands up where I see them and turn around."
Obeying in silent terror, Abram turned and saw the wierdest man he'd ever seen, holding
some japanese sword at his throat. He was dressed in a strange fashioned, gaudy fur cloak,
obviously meant for ladies and quite expensive. Strangely, he couldn't identify the fur but
saw that it was intact despite twigs stuck to it. Apart from that, the man wore rags feet to
neck, he didn't even have a decent pair of shoes. His face and hands were full of scars,
visible even in the faint light of the bike's headlights. The stranger spoke again, "Black light
in the darkness..." as if he waited for him to finish it.
Seeing that the hunter won't know the reply phrase, the cultist said: "I need your boots,
your clothes, and your pickup truck." Abram stared at him in wry amusement, then began
to softly chuckle. "I guess you always wanted to say that line. I've seen that movie, son,
I'm not gonna fall for that. But listen to me. We could work out a compromise. I need my
boot and clothes, and my pickup above all that carries all my catch this year, but I think
you're not specifically after those. What you need is a ride out of here and back to
civilisation, and maybe someone who can help selling that cloak of you. You know, it looks
quite expensive to me, I daresay it'd sell for more than what I made this summer. So, how
about I give you a ride to town, help you sell that stuff and buy decent clothing, and you
forget that leaving me naked in the middle of nowhere part?"
Swiftly sidestepping and taking the man's gun from it's holster, Sevastyan replied: "Deal.
Follow me to my camp, I've some stuff to pick up." To his surprise, the hunter just stood
there when he started out. As the cultist raised his eyebrows questioningly, the hunter
shrugged and said: "One more thing, man... could you please whistle something?"

To be continued...


July 30th, 2011 04:58 PM

Update #395: Which One Is Undesirable #1?
----------Friday, October 18, 1996
----------NEXT UP: Does My Hair Look Good On That WANTED Sign?
----------Heydar Dagher took the document from the Russian Minister of Magic. It showed a man and
a woman in their fifties. The woman was had gray shoulder-length hair and the man had
was bald with a salt-and-pepper beard. They should be easy enough to find...assuming they
weren't using the Polyjuice Potion again.
He whistled. "So those are the Zygonovs. You think they've left Ukraine?"
The Russian nodded. "Yes, sir. We've staked out their house for a while, and we've seen no
activity there."
"Could they be somewhere else in your area?"
"It's possible, sir. After all, Ukraine is a large nation, let alone Russia itself. There's a whole
section of Siberia which isn't patrolled very often because people...well, generally don't go
there. I'm organizing an expedition to start searching these remote areas. Keep in mind,
however, that given the sheer size of the target area and the wizards' access to Polyjuice
the odds of finding them are low."
"How about England? Could they have gone back to England again?"
"Perhaps. Flamel is looking for them over there as we speak. So far, nothing."
Dagher put the document with the Zygonovs' pictures on his desk. "Keep me posted, my
friend. I'll start warning my men over here, and they'll start broadcasting the alert all
around the globe. We'll catch them. Don't worry. Any news on Rasputin?"
"Nothing yet, sir. If he's out there, he's being very careful. He knows what happened to
Voldemort. We're going to issue a bulletin for him as well. I know you can't get involved yet
as it's not international, and let's hope it stays that way. How's the situation in Tsalasia?
I've heard Tsirul just came out to a bunch of Aussies and Antarctic researchers."
"Indeed they have, Viktor. So far, they seem to be cautiously optimistic that contact will
work, though there's a lot of distrust. Both sides have been learning from each other, and
I've even been told that the Muggles have introduced them to the Gregorian calendar -they've still been using a Julian one with five-day weeks."
The Russian smiled. "It's about time they did that. My parents told me about the confusion
when they switched over in Russia, and I still can't figure out when my birthday is half the
time. What's going on with Syrdan? I've heard rumors that the common Muggles in the
United States have found out about Syrdan. We know President Clinton already knew about
the Syrdani and kept them a state secret due to the fact that nation wasn't out. Has Syrdan
come out?"

Dagher frowned. "No, and that's what worries me. Syrdan is in absolute chaos right now.
The freed Muggles are begging and stealing for their food, half of the men have been lured
to Nestor, and some of the opportunistic wizards are trying to take advantage of the
situation by playing off the disgrunted Muggles. The tractors are breaking down every so
often, and there aren't many people who know how to fix them. To top that off, there's still
lingering resentment about the United States for forcing them to change their way of life.
The wizards are frightened of further American interference, and the Muggles are finding it
harder and harder to get by. The priests are not sure what to do with all the polygamy. It's
an absolute mess. And yes, you are correct in that the Muggles in the United States are
starting to find out. At the very least, the Tsalasian consul blurted it out thinking that
Syrdan had already been exposed by the Xylend map which had exposed Tsalasia.
Realistically, though, once that map came out it was only a matter of time. I doubt Tsirul's
restraint would have bought Syrdan more than a couple of weeks. Remember Nestor has
come out, and there are likely lots of ex-yahoos who want to rat on their former masters
through Nestor."
"Do the Muggles realize the Syrdani used to enslave the Muggles?"
"Unfortunately, I think so. The stories coming out of Enfield are claiming that the nine-yearold girl who'd escaped on the oil tanker is learning English and is starting to talk. You forget
how quickly young children can learn new languages. She's got the ability to speak but
doesn't have the restraint or maturity yet to keep things to herself. That's a dangerous
combination, especially now that she's spending a lot of time in a Muggle school without her
parents to keep her in check."
The Russian grimaced. "I agree. And if the Syrdani find out that the general American
populace knows about them and is almost certainly going to tell the rest of the world..."
Dagher gritted his teeth. "There's going to be hell to pay, Viktor. I have a very bad feeling
about this. It could very well be that the State of Syrdan may not be long for this world.
Remember what happened to Houyhnhnmland. There's only one thing we can hope for: the
United States realizes that any attack on Syrdan will almost certainly justify Tsalasia's
prejudices and give Syrdan a possible ally. We can only hope this conflict doesn't widen.
Particularly since the US is a member of NATO."
The Russian's eyes widened. "God help us. America and Nestor vs. Syrdan and Tsalasia,
with a possible escalation to get NATO involved. That we DEFINITELY do not want."
------------Chancellors' Executive Chamber
------Siatnan looked Vixar in horror. "What? Are you sure about this?"
Vixar nodded slowly. "There are multiple reports stating that we exist making out into the
general Muggle community. One of Altri's missing yahoos has started talking in the United
States, and we can rest assured that there are yahoos talking to people in Nestor, which is
already out. To make matters worse, Tsalasia exposed us during THEIR first contact,
thinking that we were already out or about to come out."
The three chancellors looke at each other. Finally, Ortelu summarized the situation in one
word. "Shit."

She continued. "It's a moot point right now. We're going to HAVE to come out, and do it
fast. First impressions are very important, and as a result we need to broadcast our side of
the story before that kid tells us what she believes to be the truth."
Siatnan shook her head. "But we've made some reforms already and given the yahoos more
"Yes, but remember that this little girl -- and very likely her parents -- don't know that.
They're American Muggles now for all practical purposes. Besides, it's not like freeing the
yahoos helped solve our problems. If anything, it made it worse. Those yahoos don't know
how to think for themselves, they can't fix the tractors, and so forth. In effect, emancipation
has just given our country a 53% unemployment rate and an insane gender imbalance."
"Is the United States going to attack us?"
"I sure hope not. We've certainly made changes, after all. Hopefully the US will help clean a
lot of this stuff up. You have to understand that a similar situation happened in the United
States back in the nineteenth century. One part of the country had slaves while the other
didn't. This distinction was used as a casus belli for a civil war when many of the southern
states broke off to form their own nation. The war lasted four years, and the northern side
won. The nation was reunited, and slavery was abolished in the south -- and according to
Ariadne the United States had the same problems we currently have for a while. It took a
lot of hard work to clean that up, most of it was imposed by the winning side. Let's hope we
have the time."
Vixar grunted. "Does this mean that the half of the United States will support us and half
will support the yahoos?"
"Unlikely, Vixar. Remember they're all potential slaves from our perspective...and that the
side which was against slavery won. Judging from Clinton's reaction, the nation may very
well find itself compelled to squelch slavery wherever it goes. That would be bad. At any
rate, here's what we'll do. We'll issue a report this afternoon and broadcast it to the US and
other nations. We'll spin it in a way which focuses on our reforms. something along the lines
of 'we have reformed our government to make it more democratic and believe we are ready
to come out to the world. Further reforms will still be coming, and the country is in a state
of flux. Advice would be appreciated, and people who wish to contact us should speak with
their Minister of Magic'. What do you think?"
The other two chancellors looked at each other. Finally, both women nodded. "I don't like it
much, but I agree with you. We have no choice, and we need to announce ourselves before
any of the sen-Altri do it for us. Let's start talking with the speechwriters. We need to get
this done today."
Vixar nodded. "Agreed. Besides, as long as the Protector is still up, they can't really do
anything to us without our permission."
To be continued...


July 30th, 2011 07:35 PM

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