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A comedy Script by James Wilmer. EPISODE 1 – The Interview
SCENE 1: A typical middle class living room, of a typical middle class house..
(IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIVING ROOM
ANGIE IS WALKING IN FRONT OF HER
PARTNER ROY. HE IS SITTING ON A SOFA
LOOKING DEVASTATED AND LOST).
I don’t really know what else to say.
(A FEW SECONDS SILENCE).
It’s not my fault though. What can I do about it?
But if you ain’t working how are we going to get
We’ll manage, we always have done haven’t
But you always worked.
I think I will get a job straight away. You know
how easy it was last time.
Really, even in this recession?
Yep, they’re always after sales managers.
There's a real shortage.
I hope so. I don’t know how we’ll manage
Are you coming shopping with me then?
Not at the moment love. I think I’ll go online and
have a look for some jobs.
Why don’t you come with me and go to the job
centre in town instead? Maybe we can pop in to
the poundshop after and have a root around.
They don’t really have positions at my level in
job centres. It's aimed more at chavs.
How do you know that?
I think I would be more productive at home.
I hope so.
I am going to get on to it now. I’ll have a job by
the end of the day.
Good, I’ll see you later then.
(ANGIE LEANS OVER AND KISSES ROY ON
Good luck. (AS SHE IS OPENING THE
I don’t need it. I'm going to do nothing but look
for jobs today.
Ok.. Cool.. Love you.
(ROY WALKS TO THE WINDOW AND
WATCHES ANGIE DRIVE OFF. THEN HE
HEADS UP THE STAIRS AND STARTS TO
STRIP TO HIS BOXER SHORTS)
(ROY GETS IN TO BED AND TURNS THE
TELEVISION ON, PICKS UP A BOX OF
CELEBRATION CHOCOLATES AND STARTS
EATING THEM WHILE WATCHING
At last me time.
SCENE 2: A typical middle class bedroom of a typical middle class house..
(Roy IS STILL LYING IN BED EATING
CHOCOLATE, A SIGN COMES ON SAYING 2
HOURS LATER. THE PHONE GOES AND
Roy PICKS IT UP, IT’S ANGIE).
Hi Ange. (PAUSES FOR RESPONSE OFF
ANGIE WHICH WE DON’T HEAR). No I
haven’t found anything interesting yet but I'm
still looking. (AS HE SAYS THIS HE
CHANGES THE CHANNEL ON THE
TELEVISION AND EATS ANOTHER
CHOCOLATE). Ok then, see you in a bit.
(JEREMY KYLE IS ON THE TELEVISION).
SCENE 3: A typical middle class bedroom of a typical middle class house..
(ROY IS STILL LYING IN BED EATING
CHOCOLATE, ALTHOUGH NOW WRAPPERS
ARE ALSO SPREAD ALL OVER THE BED; A
SIGN COMES ON SAYING 2 HOURS LATER.
WE HEAR THE FRONT DOOR OPEN. ROY
GRABS HIS LAPTOP OFF THE FLOOR AND
PRETENDS TO BE WORKING WHILE
PUSHING ALL THE WRAPPERS UNDER HIS
PILLOW, ANGE COMES THROUGH THE
DOOR A FEW MINUTES LATER).
Hi Sweetheart, did you get me any chocolate?
How’s the job hunting gone?
Oh yes, pretty good. I had a few interesting
ones that I applied for, but won’t hear for a
Right. But you need something quickly don’t
I know, I know! No need to rub it in.
I wasn’t, maybe you can try the job centre
I’d rather not.
But you have to sign on anyway, to get benefits,
I won’t need to. I’ll be working in no time and
we get the Tax Credits still don't we?
Famous last words.
I don’t need to sign on. Nobody in my family
ever has, it’s degrading.
Not as degrading as not being able to eat or
pay for the house.
I'll get a job straight away though.
I really hope so. (PAUSES). Please just go to
the Job Centre tomorrow though…. Just to
have a look.
God. Ok. But I bet I hear from one of these jobs
I have applied for before then.
I hope so too. But just as a backup.
Ok. You do worry too much though.
I don’t mind working, I’ve told you before. I
would like to look for a full time job too.
(SHOUTING). NO! I hope that a woman I am
married to will never have to work full time. My
mother never did and granny never either.
Oh but part time on the counter at the cinema is
It's easy work and we get free film tickets too. I
don't think my woman should have to do a
proper job though.
That's so old fashioned and for your information
it is a proper job. It’s alright for you to have high
morals while we can afford them, but if things
don't change then we won’t have a choice. (AT
THAT SHE WALKS OUT IN A MOOD AND
SLAMS THE DOOR).
(ROY GOES BACK TO WATCHING THE
TELEVISION – A FEW SECONDS LATER
ANGIE OPENS THE DOOR AND SHOUTS).
I thought that you said you'd find a job by the
end of the day anyway, well it’s nearly the end
of the day now isn’t it and where’s this job.
(JUST AS ROY IS ABOUT TO RESPOND
SHE SLAMS THE DOOR AGAIN AND WALKS
OFF LEAVING HIM EATING WHATEVER HE
WAS ABOUT TO SAY).
SCENE 4: A Large Meeting room.
(IN THE MEETING ROOM, ROY FERRARI
SITS OPPOSITE SAM, NERVOUSLY
RUBBING HIS HANDS TOGETHER).
So then, we've been through your CV and I'm
still waiting for you to explain to me why exactly
it is that we should employ you.
Well to be honest it's my wife really. She's keen
for me to get a job and the job centre sent me
So the only reason you have that we should
employ you is because of your wife?
Well at least you're honest.
I was in sales for a long time so I'm not that
I like you Roy.
(Roy looks despondent at the way the interview
is going, obviously concerned he might actually
get the job).
Well my wife really wants me to get a job and
the job centre feel that this would be ideal for
me, so what's the pay?
Straight to the money – I like that!
(Roy's face drops even further)
I can be quite lazy.
Compared to the rest of them I'm sure you
couldn't be. (Sam laughs at herself after saying
They can't be that bad.
(Sam just makes a noise).
Is the interview over as I really want to get
home for Jeremy Kyle.
Yes – I think I'm going to offer you a position
here on the business development team.
You mean telesales?
Yes – Twenty thousand per year but you have a
3 month trial period where you need to prove
yourself if you want it?
I used to be on a lot more than that. (Looking
despondent) I guess I have no choice, do I get
(LAUGHS) Of course not – it's telesales!
But now we have agreed you are going to take
the position let me tell you more about the
If you have to.
(SEEMS TO TOTALLY IGNORE WHAT
PEOPLE SAY AND JUST CARRY ON
TALKING). We are a diversity friendly
organisation and pride ourselves on our attitude
What does that mean in English?
We don't believe that somebody should be kept
from the workplace just because of a disability.
Like some supermarkets we have a positive
discrimination policy in place to offer work to
people with disabilities who might otherwise
struggle to find it.
Cheap labour you mean?
I like you more all the time Roy. You are very
sharp, I better watch out or you'll be stealing my
job. (THEN CHANGING MOOD TO
AGGRESSIVE SHE ADDS). But believe me
you better not try and get it. (CHANGING BACK
TO SWEET IMMEDIATELY). Most of the staff
we employ are disabled so when you start don't
stare at them.