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Dou˜e New‘ Network
NOVEMBER 30, 2015 PM EDITION
Deranged Dick earlier today.
By TONY BRING
FEDERAL WAY, WA Demented
Dick continues to tarnish the good
names of the late keyboardist Paul
Revere of the Raiders and comedian Tim Allen as his rampage enters day five. Today, his much anticipated new show, tentatively titled "Linguini’s Dick" is slated to debut on Spreecast, directly opposite
the Kermit and Friends show. This
move is particularly provocative because Linguini, who has been tapped
to produce and cohost, is well known
as the arch-nemesis of Kermit host,
Christopher Roy Dick had an action packed Sunday. He claims he was
thrown out of a mall from which he
was Periscoping after someone called
to report a suspicious man filming
children. He repeated death threats
against shadowy DNN reporter Seederman on the Honest Frank show, after outing the intrepid newshound as
a Korean Washintonian, and calling
him a "kook" which he pronounces as
"gook". One can only imagine what
Ayumi Katoka would think of such
Cow Palace Chris has spent the
better part of early Monday morning pouring over old Kermit episodes
and concluding positively that Clear
Cider isn’t Natalie Maines, singing
sensation of the popular Dixie Chicks
alt-country group. He has already
recorded numerous Persicopes the
morning and continues to spend very
little of his waking day offline now.
All eyes now turn to tonight’s
Spreecast, and whether Spreecast
even lets him produce it. Will the
Federal Way Fatso succeed in his
quest to destroy Jordana’s show, or
will he manage to hit himself in the
face with a banana cream pie again?
Sources close to both shows have offered no comment.
Honest Frank Pay
MASTIC VILLAGE, NY Honest
Frank, host of the marginally popular
Honest and Frank Show on Spreecast,
announced yesterday on his show that
going forward, archived versions of
his show will only be available on a
pay-per-view basis. The Caped Crusader stated that such a change in
policy would generate revenue needed
for show improvements.
Initial reaction to this announcement was lukewarm at best, with
Douche News: Network Tribune
many viewers voicing displeasure at
the move in the chat room. When
viewers raised the possibility that
charging for archived shows might result in fewer overall viewers, the declared Presidential candidate stated
that he believed it would result in
more viewers attending his show live.
The real talk in Frank’s chat has
been about the sophisticated and seductive Suzie Q, a history major from
Oklahoma, who brought a touch of
class and intelligence to the Honest
NOVEMBER 30, 2015 PM EDITION
One’s recent programs. Suzie Q may
be a name to watch.
Frank, who had been a controversial Kermit and Friends guest for
much of the summer of 2015, has
had an apparent falling out with
the show’s host, Elisa Jordana. Although he still makes an occasional
appearance, recent visits have ended
in tirades interrupted by plays of the
Little Zebra theme. His solo show remains free on Spreecast for live viewers.
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