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Student Edition

Produced under the auspices of the
North American Division of Seventh -day Adventists
Office of Education
Published by
Pacific Press· Publishing Association
Nampa, Idaho
Copyright © 1999
by North American Division Office of Education
General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists
Si lver Spring, MD 20904
Reprinted 2006

Your Religion Class
The CROSSROADS SERIES
Logo of the CROSSROADS SERIES
Goal of the CROSSROADS SERIES
Units of Study for Grades 11, 12
Versions of the Holy Bible Used in the CROSSROADS SERIES
Memorization of Scripture

Marriage and Family
Lesson 1

God's Design fo r Love

Lesson 2

Beating the Odds

Lesson 3

The Sex Trap: Checking Your Speed Toward Bonded-Intimacy

Lesson 4

Qualities of a Great Mate

Lesson 5

Sex: God's Gift

Lesson 6

Engagement, Wedding, and Honeymoon

Lesson 7

Dealing With the Differences

Lesson 8

Money Management and Career Clashes

Lesson 9

Caring Enough to Communicate

Lesson 10

Keeping Between the Lines: Boundaries

Lesson 11

The Devastation of Divorce

Lesson 12

To Parent or Not to Parent

Lesson 13

Parenting Styles and Discipline

Lesson 14

Parenting Success Strategies

Lesson 15

What Makes Families Successful?

Acknowledgments and Thanks

Your Religion Class
This section provides you with some general information about the CROSSROADS
SERIES and your religion class.

THE CROSSROADS SERIES
The CROSSROADS SERIES contains the religion curriculum for Seventh-day
Adventist secondary schools, grades 9-12, This textbook is a part of the series.

LOGO OF THE CROSSROADS SERIES
The logo of the CROSSROADS SERIES symbolizes the underlying
0 5
theme of the series- that the Cross of Jesus Christ is at the very
0"
S ~<P
center of the Christian faith. God's revelation of Himself in the ~ > , "

...

4

I " ,...
. ' :I<~

Cross reveals the only sacrifice for sin and the ultimate signifi- ';....
cance of life to each person and to every nation. Thus the Cross ,.. '
stands as the decisive moment of truth for all humankind
~
through all ages. The logo, in symbolic form, portrays the centrality
of the Cross with all paths (roads) of human experience and personal
decisions leading to and from it.

,

..

GOAL OF THE CROSSROADS SERIES
The goal of the CROSSROADS SERIES is to lead young people to the loving and
redeeming God of Scripture, His self-revelation has its focus and fulfillment in the
life, death, resurrection, and intercession of Jesus Christ, whose substitutionary
death on the cross is the sole basis of Christian assurance, With Christ as Savior
and Lord, each believer is enabled, through the Holy Spirit, to experience a life of
worship, growth, and service, and to proclaim and stand ready for His return.

UNITS OF STUDY- GRADES 11 , 12
There are ten units of study that comprise the Religion curriculum for grades
II, 12. Each unit is published in a separate textbook. The units of study
(textbooks) are:

Daniel and Revelation
Beliefs
Friendships
Romans
Choices and Challenges
Hebrews
Marriage and Family
Worldviews and Religion
Life Philosophy and Moral Issues
John

VERSIONS OF THE HOLY BIBLE USED IN THE CROSSROADS SERIES
The NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, referred to as NIV, is used as the primary
version of Scripture for the Anchor Tex t, scriptural references quoted in th e nan'ative section of the lesson, and answers to Bible Search activities and Practical Application. Other versions of Scripture have also been used when the particular version
enriches the meaning of a given referen ce.

MEMORIZATION OF SCRIPTURE
Each lesson contains a verse labeled Anchor Text. Some or all of th ese verses will
be assigned for memorization. The content of the references should first be understood, both as to their meaning and their application to your life.

5

God's Design for Love

a you daydream abou t a
handsome prince in shining armor- o r maybe in a
late- model convertibledriving up and the two of
you riding off into the
sunset? Or maybe your fantasy is of finding
your beautifu l Cinderella in her glass slippers- or inline skates- and mustering the
courage to ask her to skate, hoping that
yo u'll live happily ever after.
At one time or another- when algebra
gets bori ng or when yo u feel your heart race
for the fi rst time or when you see yo ur
friends dating- at one time or another, all
teenagers have romantic fantasies! You are
en tering one of the most exciting and dangerous periods of yo ur life- when you are
play ing the da ting game for real! It's eXCiting
because you have an opportunity to make
your fantasies come true. But why is it also
dangerous? Because it's a game yo u play for
keeps, and the who le co urse of your life is
impacted. Chances are, someone you date in

the next fi ve to ten years will be someone you'lJ
marry! And, unless yo u know how to play
the dating gam e wisely, your fantasy of finding love for a lifetime will burst like a bubble.
The po pular media wo uld have yo u
believe that strangers meet, fall in love,
jump in and out of bed , and move on . No

loyalty, no response, and certainly no com mi tme nt or marriage. They call it love, but is
it?
What is love, anyway, and what does it
have to do with marriage and family?
This is the big question with wh ich our
d iscussio n of family must begin . There are
several distinct kinds of love. Maybe ste pping back to the beginning can clarify them.
Picture God creating Adam. He co uld
have spoken j ust o ne word, and "zap," th ere
he was! That's what God did fo r everything
else He created, exce pt for human beings.
Genesis 1:3 states, "Then God said , 'Let
there be light: and there was light." In
verse 6: "God said, 'Let there be an expanse
between the waters.'" On th ro ugh that fi rst
chapter, it was always, "God said," and it
was. But when He created h uma n beings,
God changed His method of creating. He
too k time shap ing Adam out of d irt: molding, for ming, massaging, until He was satisfied with His work.
At that poin t, God could have spoken ,
and Ada m would have come to life. But He
di dn' t. Instead, God ben t over hi m and gave
him artificial respiratio n ; He "breathed into
h is nostrils th e breath of life" (Genesis 2:7).
Yo u might say, the Father God kissed His
so n , Adam, to life. Wi th this type of intimate encounte r, is it any wonder that God
loved Ada m- and Ada m loved God!

8

There is a significant difference in the
quality of a relationship you have with
someone yo u only speak to and with someone you touch and kiss! The method God
chose to bring Adam to li fe was just the
beginning of the close creator/creature relationshi p that God initiated with Adam. God
looked forward to walki ng and talking with
Adam on a daily basis. But this love relationship was not to be exclusive. Created within
Adam was a need not just for a vertical
God/ man intimacy, but also for a horizontal
intimacy with someone like himself.
Can't yo u just see Adam, after his busy
day of naming the animals, sitting alone on
a polished stone, refl ecti vely kicking his foot
in the golden dust as God comes to chat?
Adam doesn't wa nt to seem ungrateful, but
he has noticed tha t all the other animals
have mates, so he ex presses his loneliness to
God. And God says in Genesis 2: 18, "It is
not good for the man to be alone. I will
make a helper suitab le for him. "
God could have created Adam's partner
before. He knew while He was shaping
Ada m that there would be a love void in
Adam's life that could be fill ed only by a
wife. But He waited until Adam felt the
emptiness and asked for a companion.
Since God formed Adam out of dirt,
yo u'd th ink that's what He wo uld have done
with Eve. But no! Eve was created for intimacy, to be a helpmate to Adam , to stand
beside him as a companion, with a body
formed to have a one-flesh love relationship
with him. To symbolize th is oneness, God
made Eve out of a part of Ada m's body.
Amazing, isn't it?

One might say that God performed the
original cloning! They were one flesh, but
different, so they could be joined. "In the
image of God he created him; male and
fema le he created them" (Genesis 1: 27), perfectly suited for emotional, as well as physical. o neness.
God created sex to be the expression of
the type of love that would form a stable
foundation for a fam ily. In the beginning
there was marriage, but to complete His plan
for family, God put sperm within Adam and
ova (eggs) within Eve, so that as they we re
expressing their most intimate one-flesh
love to each other, their union could create
children in their own image.
Notice, just as God stroked and kissed
man into existence, He planned that this
same intimacy would be a vital part of the
creation of children. And then He instructed
the first two lovers on earth to "be fruitful
and increase in number" (Genesis 1: 28).
It is interesting to note that while God
said about the rest of His creation, "it was
good," after Adam and Eve were created God
said , "it was velY good" (Genesis 1: 31,
emphasis supplied).
So what does love have to do with family? Everything. Love was the reason God
designed a human family. And a family is
the resul t of love- or at least that was God's
origi nal plan. The closer yo u follow that
plan in your own life, the more intimacy
yo u will experience, and the more fulfill ed
you will be.
To separate love from family may resul t
in a momentary windfall of passion, but
ultimately its wages are heartache, loneli-

mitment love was the primary glue for the
ness, and alienation. The problem is that
relationsh ip, with intimacy (friendship) and
today's culture is confused abo ut the meansometimes passion following.
ing of love, thinking of it in terms of being
Today, with couples making their own
loved- or gelling- rather than being lovmate selection, the relationship usually
ing- or giving.
starts with passio n, ideally moves to intiPsychiatrist Erich Fromm, who wrote The
macy as the friendship develops, and finally
Art of Loving, argued that we need to learn
to a marriage commitment. Unfortunately,
how to love in the same way we learn how
in too many cases, the commitment part of
to playa musical instrument. It is an art to
love is the weak link in the chain, so when
be practiced , requiring discipline, concentraeither of the other two lovestion, patience, and supreme
COMPLETE LOVE
paSSion or intimacy-decli nes,
concern. He goes on to sugcommitment
to the marriage
gest that when we start wo rking at love, our relationships
also declines. That's a major
wil l be characterized by givreason why one out of two
ing, caring, responsibility,
marriages today ends in
divorce, while in the early
respect, and knowledge.' This
1900s it was only one out of
doesn 't sound much like the
SelF GIVING LOVE
twelve!
ro mantic love that we usually
associate with marriage, does
Families are changing.
Today there are more si ngleit?
parent fami lies, step fami lies,
Jack and Judith Balswick,
and blended families (in
authors of The Family: A ChrisCommit m en t
which both parents have ch iltian Perspective on the Contemdren from a previous relationporalY Home, suggest that
FRIENDSHIP
shi p) than ever before. But
complete love- the type that
even though the structure of a
holds a marriage together
family may change, the ideal
th rough a lifetime-has three
remains the same: A fami ly is
equal dimensions:'
a place to find love, security,
I, Commitment, or agape
and a sense of belonging.
love.
A • e
Unfortunately, the dreams
2, Intimacy (friendship), or
o mm t me n t
philia love (closeness and
and ideals of you ng couples
INFATUATION
who are in love often fade
understanding, not sexand disappear in the compliual intimacy).
cated realities of daily living.
3. Passion, or eros love.
Here are four hazards that you
In past generations when
should be aware of:
marriages were arranged. comPaulon

9


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