Oh My God 1 .pdf
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Oh My God
"Be careful what you wish for."
What if… God was real? The religious would go hurrah, predictably. What about
everyone else? Would they cheer? Maybe. But would they still do that if they knew
what the real God was like?
Humans have an adage from old times.
"Never meet your heroes."
Two humans surrounded by clouds stood before a mysterious figure, reclining upon a
mighty throne of gold and silver, waiting. Unfortunately for them, the one they were
waiting upon was asleep, as evidenced by a long, drawn-out snore.
The two looked at each other, then to the clouds, starting to fidget. One of them
spoke out, his voice trembling slightly.
"Lord, shall you not pass your judgement upon us…?"
Still no response. The other scratched his ear, then spat on the ground - or clouds
rather. He shouted at the figure in front of them.
"Oi, you lazy ass. Stop sleeping and do your fuckin' job."
The first gasped, the color draining from his face, but it seemed as if it had worked.
The one on the throne woke up, rubbing at their eyes, before drowsily gazing at the
"Ah, right. You go to heaven, you go to hell."
With a sweep of the hand, two doors appeared in front of each human. The first was
pearly and glowing with pleasant melodies floating out, while the second was
blackened, twisted, and stank quite literally to high heaven. Before either person
could say another word, a massive boot manifested behind each of them, kicking
With another sweep of the hand, both the doors and feet vanished, leaving behind
only the original figure and the clouds to stare at.
It yawned again.
"I don't know why those humans get so worked up about heaven and hell. Not like
either ever existed anyways."
And with that, it went back to sleep.
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