SOS – I’M A BAD MOTHER .pdf
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SOS – I’M A BAD MOTHER ©
For some time now your child has been
misbehaving and it is becoming very
difficult for you to find a solution for their
You come up with different tactics in order
to solve the problem, but the effect is nil.
You complain to your neighbour, who
gives you some wonderful “tested”
solutions, but once you implement them, it
turns out that they are not working for
You share your problem with the
grandmothers, and they are telling you
how the same child, who misbehaves with you, behaves just fine with them. (Well, it is true that
these grandmothers have told stories about their own children – you or your husband – which calls
into question their perfect parenting skills, but you remember about those stories much later.)
You start digging online and you stumble upon an article, in which says how important it is for
parents to establish strict rules and to be consistent enforcing them. In the next article you are
reading how from an early age your child should be making their own choices and not in any case to
punish them. You start to wonder, how to make both things compatible? It is also written that you
should not be too strict. Not too permissive either. Okay, but how are you to know if you are too strict
or too permissive? Your husband says that you spoil the child. Your mom believes that you overdo
with the requirements.
You go on parents’ blogs and you post a topic in which you describe your problem. In the first 10
minutes it turns out that there are other mothers like you! You are just about to feel relief that you are
not alone, and there you see a post from the “the perfect” mom, who usually has a few followers to
support her. In her post she is telling you about her perfect child, and is wondering how is it possible
that some mothers are having problems disciplining their children. In her opinion, if you approach the
“little angel” with understanding, empathy and respect, things will fall into place by themselves! And
at that point it becomes crystal clear to you that you are an incompetent parent, and aside from a few
more bad moms’ like you, the others do perfectly fine. Well, even your husband has told you that it’s
your fault, but who will listen? In fact, for a split second you wonder if your child is quite in order. But
you guiltily push that thought out and forget about it.
You stop sharing your problems and from that moment on the most important thing for you is that the
others don’t find out how bad of a parent you are.
Actually, the truth is that apart from the “lucky ones with perfect kids” (we’ve heard that there were
some) and the uninvolved ones, most of the other parents go through difficult periods and have
moments when they feel insecure, helpless, and guilty. These days, information is abundant but if
one is not a professional there is a risk of confusion or for the information to be perceived as onesided. What is the outcome?
First, you need to remove the blame from yourself. If your child sometimes behaves terribly, is
stubborn and opposes, is a quite normal stage of development. Part of the parent’s job is to build
authority and to set limits on behavior. Part of the child’s “job” is to oppose and confront, especially
between the ages of 2-4 and during puberty. And if sometimes he or she makes a scene, rolls on the
floor at the store, and makes you blush with shame; this does not make you a bad parent at all. If
you are reading this article, and you are investing time and effort looking for answers, you are a
wonderful and caring parent.
Have you gotten specific solutions? No, the purpose of this article is not to provide solutions.
However, if we provoked thought, and at least a few sighs of relief, then we have achieved it.