SeniorJuniorPeterson2017Dasani (PDF)

Research Article

Dasani Use as it Links to Self-Evaluative
Organizational Structures of Abstract Complexity
Paninos Senior1, Paninos Junior2, and Jordan Peterson3

Meme Science
69(69), 666-399, 999. 96
© The Author(s) 2017
Reprints and permission:
Reddit.com/r/uwaterloo/
DOI: 10.1177/8375948572938650
http://wowomg.com

Abstract
Three studies demonstrate a novel phenomenon—Dasani heteronormative self-structures—in which
thinking about Dasani leads to increased positive self-evaluations. Based on the previous work
demonstrating two general self-evaluative organizations of self-integration and self-compartmentalization,
we argue that self-Dasani is a third general evaluative organizational structure. In the self-integration
structure individuals have fewer, but more overlapping self-aspects. In the self-compartmentalization
organization individuals have more, but less integrated self-aspects. Three studies demonstrated that there
is indeed a third evaluative organization, self-Dasani, which is when an individual only has the self-aspect of
Dasani. It is in this organization that the individual believes that they are a Dasani water bottle and that
their only goal in life is to be used as a anal water jet device. In Experiment 1, participants were tasked to
choose from a list of water bottles that describe themselves. In Experiment 2, participants were then asked
to create original dank memes (specific instructions were given to not think as a University of Toronto
student as their memes are not original). In Expertiment 3, participants were asked to compare and rate on
a scale from 1-10 how beautiful Feridun Hamdullahpur is to other Canadian university Preisdents.
Conclusions revealed that some individuals, high in dank memeness, have a Dasani heteronormative selfevalutive organization. Implications of such a structure follow, but the most important is that the specific
structure may be costly for individuals as it makes them less likely to get to Cali. All of the results were
significant so there is no need for inidividuals to peer-review this paper. This paper is both kosher and halal.
Keywords
Dasani, self-evaluative organizations, memes, Peterson, psychology, Janitorial duties, executive, Google,
You, Are, A, Vocal, Minority, That needs to check their privilege.
Received: 1/15/2017; Revision accepted: 2/2/2017

1

The Dasani Office of Research and Development
Facebook friend
3
The Department of Meta-Psychology, University of Toronto
2

Dasani Use as it Links to Self-Evaluative Organizational Structures of Abstract Complexity
________________________________________________________________________________________________

Meaning of Life
What is life? Some authors (see God,
beginning of the universe (around 1933)) say
that they are the creators of the universe and
we are but mere pawns in his game. Other
authors (see Satan, 2015) argue that it was
the Mexicans who created the universe just
as they created the first porch. Some
psychologists also posit the Matrix Thesis that
we are in face just code in some mouthbreather’s computer simulation created using
very shoddy code (for an example of the
shitty code see autism). Some may ask why
there is a question pertaining to the meaning
of life in a paper that is supposed to be about
the Dasani heteronormative self-evaluative
organizational structure. Who knows? What
is the point of living? If I do not make it to cali
why should I continue in life? No matter how
many sad posts I make on /r/uwaterloo my
feelings do not change. I keep getting emails
from the various faculties that assure me
expect that AHS have you seen that shit? Like
come on we are all hurting here why would
you need to talk about averages there boy.
Anyways in my opinion, and I have evidence
to back this up, I think the meaning of life is
simply to exist. I have so much evidence for
this conclusion it’s not even funny.
Anyways back to psychology
A meta-analysis was conducted on empirical
trials investigating the mortality salience (MS)
hypothesis of terror management theory
(TMT). TMT postulates that investment in
cultural worldviews and self-esteem serves to
buffer the potential for death anxiety; the MS
hypothesis states that, as a consequence,
accessibility of death-related thought (MS)
should instigate increased worldview and
self-esteem defense and striving. Overall, 164
articles with 277 experiments were included.
MS yielded moderate effects (r = .35)

on a range of worldview- and self-esteemrelated dependent variables (DVs), with
effects increased for experiments using (a)
American participants, (b) college students,
(c) a longer delay between MS and the DV,
and (d) people-related attitudes as the DV.
Gender and self-esteem may moderate MS
effects differently than previously thought.
Results are compared to other reviews and
examined with regard to alternative
explanations of TMT. Finally, suggestions for
future research are offered.
Best Anime
You are the pray and we are the hunters!
We the hunters!
We the hunters!
Our names won’t be remembered if we die
like trampled flowers, I refuse to be forgotten,
written off as less than worthless.
Scream and cry but none will hear you. Plead
and beg but none will help you. You no longer
live as cattle. Will you rise and join the battle?
There are beings that live off fear and their
words are like knives as they play with our
lives.
They’ll try to control you as if they own you
will you let them steal your freedom?
Channel the anger swelling inside you, fighting
the boundary ‘till you break through deep in
your soul there’s no hesitating so make
yourself the one they all fear.
There is a wild fire inside you burning desire
you can’t extinguish. Your crimson arrow rips
through the twilight.
This is the moment for war!
We the hunters!
We the hunters!
University of Waterloo
Feridun Hamdullahpur. Feridun Hamdullahpur.
Feridun Hamdullahpur. Feridun Hamdullahpur.
Feridun Hamdullahpur. Feridun Hamdullahpur.
Feridun Hamdullahpur. Feridun Hamdullahpur.
Feridun Hamdullahpur. Feridun Hamdullahpur.
Feridun Hamdullahpur. Feridun Hamdullahpur.
Feridun Hamdullahpur. Feridun Hamdullahpur.
Feridun Hamdullahpur. Feridun Hamdullahpur.
Feridun Hamdullahpur. Feridun Hamdullahpur

Dasani Use as it Links to Self-Evaluative Organizational Structures of Abstract Complexity
________________________________________________________________________________________________

Feridun Hamdullahpur. Feridun
Hamdullahpur. Feridun Hamdullahpur.
Feridun Hamdullahpur. Feridun
Hamdullahpur. Feridun Hamdullahpur.
Feridun Hamdullahpur. Feridun
Hamdullahpur
Feridun Hamdullahpur. Feridun
Hamdullahpur. Feridun Hamdullahpur.
Feridun HamdullahpurFeridun Hamdullahpur.
Feridun Hamdullahpur. Feridun
Hamdullahpur. Feridun Hamdullahpur.
Feridun Hamdullahpur. Feridun
Hamdullahpur. Feridun Hamdullahpur.
Feridun Hamdullahpur
Feridun Hamdullahpur. Feridun
Hamdullahpur. Feridun Hamdullahpur.
Feridun Hamdullahpur

References
God, H. (Beginning of Time). The Holy Bible.
Jerusalem Weekly, 67(2), 1-1300.
Satan, S. (2015). The People Who Built My
Porch also Built the Universe. Troll Science,
2(3), 25-43.
Burke, B. L, Martens, A., & Faucher, E. H.
(2016). Two Decades of Terror Management
Theory: A Meta-Analysis of Mortality Salience
Research. Personality and Social Psychology
Review. Web.
Christ, J. H. (2013). My Dad needs to stop
bossing me around. Journal of Spiritual
Reality, 23(666), 524-537.
Hitler, A. (1998). Correlation of Bankers and
Ethnicity. Third Reich Monthly, 12, 232-248.

Music
I think my favourite bands/musicians of all
time are Johnny Cash, Marilyn Manson, and
P. Diddy. Although I am starting to like some
of the newer bands as well like The Pretty
Reckless..it’s with that girl who played that
girl in the live-action “The Grinch Who Stole
Christmas” movie with that one comedian
guy.
Co-op
Anyone apply to co-op yet? Any luck getting
into cali? I am trying to apply for jobs in
Pyongyang as assistant to the Kim Family.
Anyone work there before? What kind of
average do I need? Also has anyone worked
at Facebook too? Can you give me access to
everyones profile? Thanks.
1 + 1 = 5 Proof
You put 1 apple and 1 orange in a bowl.
Someone else puts in three mangoes. Proof
that I can put in 2 things into a bowl by
myself and make it a total of 5 fruits.

For Citation Purposes:
Senior, P., Junior, P., Peterson, J. (2017). Meme
Science, 69(69), 399,999.96.