How to Defeat an A.I. Printer .pdf

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Original filename: How to Defeat an A.I. Printer.pdf
Author: Andreas Festesen

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1

How to Defeat an A.I. Printer

1

Determine if a printer has Artificial Intelligence. Look for patterns of deeper thinking in your
printer’s behavior. Below is an example of a printer that has developed wheels, in order to
conquer the world of transportation.

2

Test the printer’s patience. Flip the support flap up and down, to annoy the printer.

1

How to Defeat an A.I. Printer

3A

If the printer opens its front cover, it means that it has accepted you, and will now be your
pet. It will start explaining its sentient technology, to show you how to use it.

3B

If the printer opens its back cover, it is hostile, and you should tread carefully. If the small
green levers on either side of the interior are flipping up and down (as shown in the illustration below), it means the printer is getting ready to attack. Proceed to step 4.

1
4

5

How to Defeat an A.I. Printer

When attacking, the printer will shoot its paper tray at you. This is not dangerous, and
should be viewed as a sign of frustration, caused by lack of drivers.

Once the printer has shot out its paper tray, it will call for backup, by transmitting a
wireless signal, indicating trouble. To prevent this from happening, quickly neutralize the
circuits. Do as follows:







Grab a cloth, and soak it in liquid – preferably strong chemicals.
Using the wet cloth, thoroughly apply the liquid to the paper pickup rollers as
shown in the illustration below.
The chemicals will make the printer temporarily dizzy, allowing you to complete
the step.
Locate the paper tray and fill it with paper.
Reinsert the paper tray, and press Go three times to print the user settings.
The chemicals from the pickup rollers will transfer to the paper. The paper will
then go through the printer, sedating it bit by bit, until it comes out the top.

1

How to Defeat an A.I. Printer

6

The printer is now neutralized and the call for backup has failed. All it has
left is its final, but also deadliest, weapon – the laser beams. Look at the
LED light indicators on the front of the printer. If the green ready light is
flashing, it means that the printer is getting ready to shoot. If you see
the manual feed slot cover opening, get out of range.

7

After the printer has fired its laser, you have about ten seconds to blind it. This is done by
grabbing the manual feed paper guides and slide them back and forth, as shown in the
illustration below.

8

When the printer is blinded, the red error light should be flashing. This means that it is
time for the final move.

9

Force a paper through the Manual Feed Slot.

1
10

How to Defeat an A.I. Printer
Blow up the bastard, walk away slowly.


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