WARD .pdf

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Title: WARD
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WARD
14/01/2016

say ‘I’m so’
[Each syllable the same pitch and length.]

I’m so
16/01/2016

say ‘AA aa ah’
[Sung as three notes of a descending major arpeggio. You are in the bath.]

AA aa ah
20/01/2016

say ‘boooaaarrrr baaaaaahhhh’
[Round out sound one with vacated mouth resting open. ‘o’ shape. Pitch sound two a fifth below, trail off by
narrowing your jaw.]

boooaaarrrr baaaaaahhhh
21/01/2016

say ‘You gotta bad attituuuuude / You gotta bad attituuuuude’
[The chorus of an early song by Glasgow no-wave band Divorce. When you say this, recall a paranoid episode in
which, watching the band perform this song live in 2009 at The Captain’s Rest on Great Western Road, the singer is
God and it’s judgement day. Increase pitch gradually on second ‘attitude’.]

You gotta bad attituuuuude / You gotta bad attituuuuude
23/01/2016

say ‘Wh’irrr’
[Slap each of your hands to the corresponding side of your face in a momentary staging of ‘The Scream’.]

Wh’irrr
05/02/2016

say ‘Oh God’
[Read as if the space between words is marked with a rest. Each word has the same pitch - moderately high.]

Oh God
11/02/2016

say ‘Fucking dick fuck off’

Fucking dick fuck off
13/02/2016

say ‘Ohhh fuck’

Ohhh fuck
16/02/2016

say ‘I’m kinda offended’
[You are a Blairite politician on Radio 4 responding to John Humphreys.]

I’m kinda offended
17/02/2016

say ‘Boom boom’
[Two notes a tone apart. Sing boom one in two syllables of ascending pitch. Resolve into monosyllable second boom.]

Boom boom
21/02/2016

say ‘Doo wai wom wom’
[Arbitrarily arpeggiate downwards, intervals roughly a third.]

Doo wai wom wom
02/03/2016

say ‘Ahhhh’
[Sigh through your wet mouth.]

Ahhhh
10/03/2016

say ‘Boom’
[In Glaswegian accent. Emphasise plosive ‘b’. You are the kind of person who regularly shouts ‘Yas!’]

Boom
11/03/2016

say ‘Jobby’
[In an RP accent.]

Jobby


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