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Step 1: Newbies Start Here
Most commonly asked newbie questions answered
By Craig Reeves
I have spanned these forums in search of the most commonly asked questions from not only newbies, but
community members here. Check it out!
How can I tell if she likes me?
The only way to be able to tell how interested she is in you is to make a move (number close, date
request, kiss, etc.) Watch her reaction. If the move is unsuccessful the first time, you can try again later
one more time. If it's unsuccessful the second time, ditch her and move on....in other words...NEXT.
How do I let a girl know how I feel?
Make a move (number close, date request, kiss, etc.). DO NOT tell her with words how you feel or act like
a suck-up and buy her gifts and dinners on the first date because you will come off way too eager and
wussy. No, you need to be a challenge so that she can see you as being worth fighting for. When you
approach a girl and you communicate with her for a little bit, get her email or number (or both) to show
her that you like her enough to want to talk with her again. If you are on the date, kissing or holding hands
with her is going to show her that you like her, because people don't generally people they dislike.
How do I get out of the "friend zone"?
Now this doesn't always work, but this is the only way you are going to be able to do it - STOP treating
her like she's just a friend; however DON'T stop TALKING to her like she's a friend. Start requesting more
often that the two of you spend alone time together. If you have not gotten her number, get it. And start
holding her hand, start kissing, start doing the things that you would do with a woman that you have just
met that DIDN'T start off as just a friend.
How do I approach a girl?
Most guys MAKE it difficult to approach women. There's something that they are afraid of that makes it
difficult. The best way to approach a girl is to actually prepare to do it. Yes, actually sit down one day and
WRITE DOWN the most common situations that you run into to meet women and come up with a good
opening line, (or more, if you like) to start a conversation for each. Rehearse the line many times. Don't
only rehearse what you are saying, but HOW you are saying it, that's extremely important. Once you are
in the situation and you see a girl that you'd like to approach, if you feel confident and comfortable about
your opening line, you will feel more confident about approaching her. Just give her direct eye contact,
and deliver your opening line exactly the way you rehearsed it - voice tone, body language, and
everything. Remember, practice makes perfect.
How do I approach a girl in a group?
It seems that attractive women run in packs, lol. The best way to approach a girl in a group is not to only
focus on the girl that you're trying to approach, but the whole group at first, and then you can start singling
out later. You should just try approaching the whole group as if they were just one girl. Take the below for
Opening to one girl: "Hey, I'm in a good mood and feel like meeting some new faces. How are you?"
Change that to a group: "Hey, I'm in a good mood and feel like meeting some new faces. How
are y'all doing?"
Why doesn't she want to go out with me?
It doesn't matter, and it will be far more trouble than it's worth to find out. All you know is that she doesn't.
How do I ask a girl out?
Never ASK a girl that you are interested in for ANYTHING that has ANYTHING to do with her time or
attention. No, what you do is you go up to her and tell her that you'd like to spend time with her at (some
place) at (some time), and that she should come along. If the two of you spend enough alone time
together, it will be alot easier for things to fall in place naturally over time instead of trying to change the
How do I advance things physically?
Start small and work your way up. Don't try and start big or you will not as successful. Start with hugging
her when you see her. Then when the two of you spend time together, initiate hand holding. Once you are
comfortable with that, you can move on to the kiss. However, don't go to another step until you feel
comfortable with where you are at to begin with. For instance, don't move on to the kiss until you are
comfortable holding hands with her.
How do I impress a girl?
If your aim is to impress a girl or win her approval, you will never impress her.
Strange, I know. But the best way to impress a girl is to treat her as if YOU are the one that needs to be
impressed rather than her. You need to treat her as if she's trying to get YOUR approval instead of YOU
trying to get HERS. I know this seems like the complete opposite to what most newbies are taught from
their parents or society, but if you want to "impress" a girl, you need to stop trying to impress HER, but
start treating HER as if SHE need to impress YOU.
Where can I meet women?
Don't worry about trying to find a place to meet women because you probably already know of a good
place, you just have to use your head. If you're having problems in this area of life, you probably already
know of plenty of places that plenty of women are around. Just be ready at any time because any place
can be a good place to meet women sometimes.
What do I do if she plays "hard to get"?
When a woman plays "hard to get", it is a test. Probably the most common of all tests. She's testing you
to see if it will affect you. If you let her playing "hard to get" have an obvious effect on you, you will fail her
test. However, if you act as if nothing is going on and continue treating her like you normally do and
eventually STOP THE TEST BY MAKING A MOVE, then you will pass.
Women play "hard to get" to test your persistance. If you are not persistant, you will fail. If you are too
clingy, you will fail. Showing dissapointment to her test will result in failure, because you are letting such a
test AFFECT you. Therefore, you treat her as if you normally would treat her when she plays "hard to get"
and stop her test by making a move. If you call her once a week and she's not returning your calls, DON'T
BRING IT UP, AND JUST MAKE A MOVE ALREADY. She's trying to see if you'll easily give up. She's
sick of trying to figure out if you like her not and is wanting you to make a move. However, don't call
anymore than you normally do just because she's not returning your calls. Keep doing what your doing
and acting normal and MAKE A MOVE. When she starts playing hard to get, she's bored with the
relationship as it stands and usually wants MORE, so give MAKE A MOVE.
What's the difference between persistance and clingyness?
Persistance is a good thing, clingyness is not.
Persistant men MAKE MOVES; clingy men do NOT.
CLINGYNESS/NEEDYNESS is the pursuit of a girl even when there is no chance that the two of you will
ever be together. She may have a boyfriend, or she may have suggested to you that she does not want
you to pursue her anymore. Clingyness/needyness is also fueled from insecurity. A clingy guy may get
jealous or upset that she has not returned his calls. He may get upset or jealous when she shows another
guy attention and not him at the time. It is very common for clingy guys to have been LJBF'd before, and
the girl they are clinging on KNOWS that she is being pursued far too much.
PERSISTANCE is the pursuit of a girl when you DO have a chance with her, and you have not gotten any
suggestion from her not to pursue her any longer. Persistance is NOT fueled by insecurity. Persistance is
fueled by the desire to spend time with her. A persistant man will not get jealous or upset when she has
not returned his calls. A persistant man will just keep trying and not worry or focus on the failures. If he
wants to spend time with her, he will do it. AS SOON AS SHE SUGGESTS TO HIM THAT SHE DOES
NOT WANT TO BE WITH HIM, HE WILL MOVE ON. A persistant man will not get upset with her if she
pays attention to other guys at the time, because the persistant man doesn't care about what she's doing
with other guys, he likes spending time with HER, so what she does with other guys is HER business.
When should I call a girl when I first met her?
Wait 2-4 days after you get her number.If you get her email and you want to email her, email her the next
day. (Note: Do not email or call a girl the same day you get her number and/or email.)
Should I open doors for her, pull her chair out, etc. on a date or hanging out?
Should I compliment her?
Compliments lose their power each and every time you give one. So use them very sparingly (like once
every 2 or 3 dates) and don't always compliment her on obvious things that she hears compliments on all
the time (i.e. her beauty).
How do I flirt?
Most guys make it much more difficult to do this than it has to be because of the mindset that they go into
a date with. Most guys make it much harder because they go in trying not to upset her that they forget to
have fun. Most guys concentrate way too much on trying to get her to like him instead of having fun with
her. They think being nice and cordial is going to make her fall for him and this is just not true. A good
way to concentrate on having fun on a date is to get her talking and look for any oppurtunity you can in
her communication to have fun with what she just said. For instance:
Me: So what do you do?
Her: Oh, I'm a waitress at Hooters.
Me: Lol. Hooters!? Dang girl, you better get me a free plate over there or something! Heh!
Me: So where are you from?
Her: I'm from Los Angeles.
Me: You go up there to meet celebrities or something? Heh.
And you know what? It may be a bit corny at times, but it's BETTER THAN NOTHING. It's better than just,
"Oh, that's cool".
How do I get a girl's phone number?
(As you're about to leave) "You know what, I'd really like to call you. Something about you kinda like."
(while pulling out your pen and pad and handing it to her).
What if she resists my physical advance (i.e. hugging, kissing, hand holding)?
When she resists your physical advance, do not act as if it bothered you. Just move on to another topic
and forget that it ever even happened. If she says anything about it after she pulls away, just say "don't
worry about it, you're doing fine" and move on to another topic. Try again later one more time. If she
resists again, NEXT her.
When should I make a physical advance?
When she's on a high (the part where she seems to be enjoying you the most.) It is best to make ALL of
your moves when she's on a high.
How do I get a girl dig me?
Refer to everything else above.
Welp, I think that's all of them. Questions and comments are welcome!
Docs - The Newbie's first step to the rest of their life.
[Part I out of II]
This is for the newbies, or the sponges that have been wandering around aimlessly. Most people will say
to read the bible. I feel that I must be more helpful to the newbie.
Edit - This was posted in the Discussion forum, but noone cares.
Just some ground rules...
- Anything in red...is something I'm telling you to do if you were doing whatever I was talking about!
- Remember anything in green
- "I am speaking your thoughts out to the world. You don't know it yet, but you will be thinking about it."
Alrighty, here we go! So you just found this amazing forum that talks about dating girls and improving life!
You can't wait to muster all of your strength to become a sponge and to tell the world and wait an answer
on your current troubles....
Admitting you have a problem is the first step in recovery.
"I'm new and this is my first post. I.."
1 - Like this girl I know..
2 - I have low self-esteem...
3 - I'm a loser...
4 - I'm shy...
5 - I want to improve..
6 - I've just got my heart broken.
I now command you to stop writing about it!!!! Will some online anonymous person be able to give you
the magical rock that will make your problem go away? Nope.
Now, go get a coffee, or some tea, relax and open your mind before we go farther. This is your first stop.
Re-read it a few times.
The definition of a Don Juan.
Pook: A Don Juan is a state of mind, not a list of methods and tricks.
To expand, this isn't some style of martial arts with pre-determined moves and a sensa to develop it. This
is self-help, self-improvement and self-guided.
- You are the only one that can change your life. You think it sucks, change it by reading on.
- You must be happy with yourself before others will be happy with you.
- You must know that you do not need a girl to love you.
- You must know that you do not need to love a girl.
- You must find a way to be positive in everything.
- You must live each day as if it was your last chance.
The concept of a Don Juan is when you are successful in your eyes. Not only with girls, but with all
aspects of your life. Even though this thread and this forum in general is directed at girls, you will soon
learn that it applies to daily life as well!
"So now that I have those words in green in the back of my mind, what am I doing wrong?" Alas! You
sound so negative now. I want you to think far back, way way back, to the day you had seen her for the
The Relationship Begins Before You Meet Her - Thread Title by Survivor
"So what does that have to do with anything??"
From the minute you first saw her, you knew what you were thinking about her. About how beautiful she
is, perfect, caring, passionate. How much you wanted to fall in love with her and to one day awaken next
to her years later and feel the same.
"You're right! She is so..." Say no more. You do not fully understand yet. Take all of your current thoughts
and tuck them away and read.
From the moment SHE first sees you, before you even talk to her, she's thought about how sexy you are,
your social status, your personality and your mood. Within seconds, this girl has already placed you
somewhere on a list. Before you open your mouth, she's already developed the response. Before you
even knew she was there, she's already figured out if you're worth her time. (I searched endlessly but I
could not find the elusive one who posted something like this)
"Gasp! I never knew women had it all figured out!?"
You have a lot to learn. Women want a MAN, someone THEY can not be ashamed to fall for. If you
appear to be normal, or weak, you've already made it hard on yourself.
"Ladies! Do tell me, what do you define as a Man?"
"A Man is someone sensitive to me."
"A Man is the guy who will take care of my needs."
"A Man is the one that is in tune with my feelings."
"A Man is one who doesn't have an ego."
"A Man is the guy who will sit and watch chick flicks all day with me."
"A Man is the guy who will go shopping with me."
"A Man is the guy who will share all his feelings with me."
Such are the common answers! The males listen and actualize what the women say. They are constantly
declared 'sweet' and 'wonderful' and 'nice', oh 'so nice'.
Click to expand...
I want to ask you something.
Do you do any of what a women says is a man?
"_______, but you/Pook said that women want a MAN, and I'm doing a bunch of those qualities. What's
I urge you to read more!
Poor Nice Guy! The women his own age avoid him like the plague and jump for the jerks. The Nice Guy
becomes an emotional tampon to be used and discarded. The Nice Guy, being so nice and sweet, listens
to the woman vomit her feelings about men and bleed her problems of her boyfriend on him. He listens
with baited hope when he hears, "Oh, why can't guys be like you! You listen and understand." Then she
turns around and gets abused by another jerk! The vicious cycle repeats again and again.
Do you feel the same way?
"I feel angered! Women say that they want a MAN, and I act as a MAN, yet those jerks keep taking my
What women thinks, wants, says and does are totally different things.
Hear me out. I know you are confused. I was once a nice guy too! I was called sweet, nice and someone
to depend on. All I got in return was the stories of how OTHERS are and were boyfriends. It goes
something like this.
- A women thinks of herself. "How will this affect me", "Is this good or bad", "What should I do"
- A women's wants are not logicial and are near-impossible to understand.
- A women says what is in her best interests.
- A women does what feels best.
To mash it into one! She tells you are a nice guy (S), goes out with that jerk (D) thinking it's totally
alright (T) while trying to change him into what she wants. (W) When he dumps her, she crys to you (D),
saying how sweet you are (S), how she wished he could be like you (W) and yet thinking of the next jerk
she wants to cycle though. (T)
Complicated, yes. Do we understand why she does this...not really. So Don Juans over time have
developed a way to win over jerks (think of it as a scent). This scent, it attracts women intially and when
she finds out what that scent is and begins to explore it, she finds that all of those 4 things about women
mash together and cause her to think the same things, only about you. I lead you to the next points of
how to start becoming the perfect scent/man!
The real definition of a man, tried, tested and true. (Pook)
- Does not go through life walking on eggshells. Go for what you want
- Focuses on his dreams. A passion (art, music..), a life-long dream to own the world, etc
- Does not apologize for his testosterone, for his desires. Don't deny that you want to feel fullied
- Tries to always win in what he does. Never give up
- Has deep convictions that allows him to be a possible leader. Take control of your life
- Seeks to solve problems then to place blame. Act instead of complaining
- Sees failure as only a temporary set-back to the inevitable. Life goes on, your day will come
- Knows where he is going in Life. The life-plan and control of it
- Never loses his passion, for that would be the death of his soul. Heart, dedication to YOUR life.
- Never feels he has to prove himself to anyone. If anyone shall hate you, toss you away, make you
inferior, then they are of no worth to you
"So I must be a MAN, that is a jerk, so I can have her?!"
No, that is a lesson for the future, where you will learn of niceness, jerkness and everything in between!
Now, I want you to go to bed. I want you to lie there and just think. Let the past and the present clash. Let
the thoughts about your life flow from your eyes and shape your brain for the future. Allow yourself to
open yourself to the things that have been missing all along. Take control of your life and make your plan
that will make your dreams come true.
For without the first step forward, the journey cannot begin.
Without the journey, there is no purpose to life.
Without a purpose to life, you cease to live. – Unknown
Docs - The Newbie's first step to the rest of their life.
[Part II out of II]
"I'm awake, and I've thought of everything you've said and I think I have a plan to get her and to be
successful! Thank you so much!"
Wait! To leave now gives you no better of a chance. You did not think properly enough. It is not about
THIS girl, this is about you. What are your dreams?
Alright, did you plan on a way to make them come true?
Alas! A typical answer to just a simple question.
"What do you mean?"
You've thought about your life, your future, that I can see. To plan it out though, you have not found yet.
I shall now give you some stones.
Determination and Passion
Inner Strength and Confidence
Desire and Life
"Those aren't stones, they are just words."
For life to become what you want, you must place the stones that you shall walk on. You must remember
that nothing will push you off, for on both sides lie the waters of despair!
Yes, it would seem that they are just words. But words transform into power and knowledge. Language
gives us the power to express everything within us and allow ourselves to partake in our actions. Even
when we could not speak, when we had no words, there were actions. By waving your hand, in daily life,
that means hello. It also shows openness, having a nice nature and un-afraid to make movement.
"What about giving someone the finger?"
You tell me, we both know what it MEANS, but what does it show?
Here is another stone.
For my thoughts to mean anything, I must act as such. To think something gets you nowhere. To say
something shows desire. To do something about it shows confidence.
"What does that mean?"
You are the perfect example!
"Who..? Me? What are you talking about?"
You have thought about your dreams and what you want. You have spoken those desires to me. But you
have yet to make it happen for yourself.
"But it's so much work!"
Would I be telling you all of this if it wasn't worth it to obtain your dreams?
"I guess, you are writing a lot. But I really want ____"
Then on we go.
Work now, play later. Play now, Pay Later
You have two choices. You can play games, talk on the phone and shoot the sh*t and finally corner
yourself into doing something, or you can develop your life and play as you go.
"What do you mean entirely?"
Instead of sitting there doing nothing, even right now you are learning of how to shape your life. You have