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Infertility & The Four
Agreements: A Practical
Guide for Personal Freedom
Cheers, dear readers,
It is fantastic to be writing to you here today! I have missed this wonderful creative and
therapeutic outlet which also serves as a way to support and send love and hope to this
courageous community. As a bonus tip to anyone reading this: If you are struggling
emotionally, please consider taking pen to paper or your fingers to your keyboard. Getting
your emotions and thoughts out on “paper” can truly be life changing, healthy, and an
excellent way to get challenging and draining emotions OUT of your mind and your body! If
you keep them bottled up inside it can lead to depression, my friends — and I can tell you
first-hand, that is no picnic! All of our emotions are just that: simply normal, natural, human
emotions. Yet there are productive ways to release them and share them, and not so
productive ways that may also hurt those around us. A word of caution though: Our words
have amazing POWER —> both to heal or to hurt.
That brings me to the first point of this blog post: Be Impeccable with Your Word as a way to
personal freedom and joy. I have written here in the past about my de-cluttering mission that
I spoke about after reading The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Well days ago, I was
organizing, de-cluttering, and “KonMari”-ing my vast book collection. This whole process is
cathartic and powerful as we take each item we own and ask “Does this spark joy”? As I
diligently charged forward on this rather difficult task, I came across a book that sparks so
much joy in my life that I own two copies. If you are wondering, yes I kept both! I already
re-read one copy, and lent the other copy to a loved one before he went on vacation.
The book: The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom is a
game-changer, my friends! I cherished and loved this book when I read it in my 20s as a
hopeful youth, and I cherish it just as much reading it now in my 40s as an empowered,
infertility survivor, mature women. I encourage you to get a copy for yourself and dive into
the wisdom of this book. But I will share just some morsels of its incredibly wise words.
Brief Summary: “In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz reveals the source of
self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. Based on ancient Toltec
wisdom, The Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform
our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love.”
Be Impeccable with Your Word — This agreement sounds so simple, but it is
very, very powerful. Regardless of what language or dialect you speak, your intent
manifests through your word – what you dream, what you feel, and what you
really are. The word is a force, and it is the power we all have to express and
communicate, to think, and thereby to create the events in your life. But like a
sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your
word can destroy everything around you! One edge is the misuse of the word,
which creates a living hell. The other edge is the impeccability of the word, which
will only create beauty, love, and heaven on earth. How can you use your words
to inspire, hope, strength, and resilience in your life?
Don’t Take Anything Personally — Whatever happens to you – including
someone saying an insensitive or thoughtless comment – don’t take it personally.
What other people say is about them, and what we hear is about us. Why do we
take things personally? Because it may mean that we agree with whatever is
being said. As soon as you agree, the poison someone else is trying to give you
goes through you, and you are trapped in a living hell, due to “personal
importance.” Personal importance, or taking things personally, is a maximum
expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is
about “me.” Yet nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of
themselves. Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you
directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the
opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds.
Don’t Make Assumptions — We all tend to make assumptions about everything.
The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth when
that may not be in fact the case at all! We make assumptions about what others
are doing or thinking – we take it personally – then we blame them and react by
sending emotional poison with our word. This is why whenever we make
assumptions, we’re asking for problems and creating our own suffering. Because
we are afraid to ask for clarification, we make assumptions; then we defend our
assumptions and try to make someone else wrong. It is always better to ask
questions than to make an assumption, because assumptions set us up for
suffering. What if we all first assumed goodwill instead? What could be true in our
Always Do Your Best — This agreement is all about action! Under any
circumstance, always strive to do your best, no more and no less. Yet keep in
mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next.
Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high
quality, and other times it will not be as good. Your best will depend on whether
you are feeling wonderful and happy, or upset, angry, or jealous. As you build the
habit of the four new agreements (replacing older limiting beliefs), your best will
become better than it used to be.
I hope these words offered here help you on your infertility journey, and offer inspiration and
maybe some guidelines to live an awesome life, whether things are going your way, or even
when they are going horribly wrong. You can be resilient and strong through it all! We are
here to support you on your journey.
Please join Julia next week to hear more about her own personal journey down the infertility
path. I look forward to speaking with you soon. I wish you the best on your respective