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1. Emotional Strengthening
Emotions are by product of the thoughts. Your thoughts are created in your mind
based on your perception, your circumstances, your experiences and your
environment. A number of factors are involved in determining a person’s thinking
mindset and patterns.
When your thoughts change, your emotions does too.
So, Our thoughts leads to emotional energy which is felt as feeling in the body. When
the thought is productive and positive, it automatically leads to aligned emotion
which can be felt in the body and body’s reaction. For eg. when you think you are
going to be clearing a tough exam or generating money in the new business or dating
the person of your dreams, you will feel the surge of energy in your body which makes
you jump and shout with joy, enthusiasm and excitement.
Similarly, if the emotion is painful, it will be felt in the body again but this time, you
will notice drooping shoulders, chest tightness, shallow heartbeat or some body
aches. It directly affects our brain and the production of neurotransmitters along with
many other chemicals which are crucial for regulating mood, energy, drive and
The connection between thoughts - Emotion/Feeling- Action/Behavior is very
important to be understood to go into the roots of stress and anxiety.
emotional health states your thought patterns. If you are dealing with conflicting
emotions that directly means that you are not thinking clearly and your thoughts are
conflicting with each other. That usually happens when you are not self aware about
yourself by which I mean is you have no clarity about your deeper values, your
visions, your wants/desires and your mission or purpose in life. We will get on the
self awareness part a little deeper in other chapters but for now let’s focus on
thoughts for a while.
So, where does these thoughts come from? of course they are created by your mind
but what makes a person think in a certain way. All of us think differently. All of us
have opinions. All of us know how to think and make decisions for ourselves. But, not
many pay attention to the type of thoughts they are thinking.
Your thought pattern gets formulated by your past experiences especially your
childhood experiences, the environment you grew up in, the cultural impact, the
circumstances you faced, the good and bad situations you dealt with, the hardships
you encountered and the variety of people you met. It’s all your individual learning
and your subconscious mind keeps a tab on everything which you are absorbing as an
experience to keep you safe and protected by linking it to the past experiences. Like, if
you ever had a weird experience with a dog, you will get a little scared and uneasy
when you see a dog larking around you in your friends house.
Majority of our thoughts are recycled thoughts and it’s repetitive in nature. More or
less our thoughts are all about the past or the anticipation of future. This spiral of
thoughts is never ending which makes a person overthink about a lot of things that
had happened in the past and if the past holds a lot of negative emotional conflicts,
then it’s bound to give the person a lot of anxiety and stress.
If you are identified with your thoughts, then its very hard to separate yourself from
the context of your thought. Thoughts are mind’s way to keep its assertiveness. When
you are not aware of your inner power, you literally are living the life on auto pilot of
your mind’s conditioning. As I mentioned earlier, mind get conditioned based on past
experiences beginning right from the family you were born in, beliefs of the family
and society, cultural impact, intense emotional experiences, trauma or past mistakes
you did. Various other factors can directly affect the brain functioning and mindset.
Not all of your thoughts are the truth, you
can’t trust each emotion.
As the thoughts change, emotions change. So, how do you change your emotions to
positive and healthy ones. Once you begin to stop identifying with your thoughts and
instead become witness to them, you would create a little gap between the mind and
you. You and mind are not one even though it appears so because a lot of people have
never detached themselves from their thinking mind. You, the powerful being, uses
the faculty of mind to process information, store information and retrieve it when
required. Your mind is the thinking brain of your being. It is the super powerful tool
you can actually use to make your life work hundred percent in your favor.
Mind creates the thoughts but you are the creator because you are using the mind.
Once you understand this fully, and use effective methods to make your mind work
for you, then nothing is impossible. By witnessing your thoughts and not attaching
yourself with your thoughts, allows you to understand your thoughts in a better way.
You can question the origin of thoughts and can introspect if this thought
is truly the reality or my illusion and if it is nothing more than an
anticipation, then there is no need to create a restless emotion around it.
Simply taking the responsibility of your thoughts will allow you to witness them and
check on them. Once you get into the habit of being witness to the thought without
attaching yourself with them, you will deepen your self power over your mind and
also avoid creating unnecessary emotions which are not serving you in any way.
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CALMING DOWN THE MID AND GIVE YOU THE POWER TO DIRECT
YOUR MIND THE WAY YOU WANT TO.
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2. LET GO OF SUPERFICIAL
Human being has a tendency to tie itself up with labels, status, religion, social
norms, beliefs and nationalities. This happens due mental identifications over a
period of time. From the very beginning of your childhood, you are given the
labels of nationality and religion and eventually they expand to social norms,
cultural beliefs and hierarchy in a unique set up.
Though these labels do serve a purpose but it tend to become a huge hindrance
in personal expansion. Deeply rooted beliefs about religion, culture, status,
ranking or even the gender orientation can condition the mind forever for a
certain behavior pattern.
Similarly, someone is an executive who is running the show in the organization
can be completely identified with the label and create mental gaps between him
and his employees which often leads to ineffective leadership and more chaos
Attaching one self with limited identifications is the root cause of many
unwanted stresses and conflicts in our life.
How does our mind get conditioned with Identifications ?
It all begins even when you are still in womb of your mother. Parents are
already planning and designing a prospective future for you based on their
personal experiences. The moment you pop out, you are a brand with certain
specifications such as name, religion and nationality. Now, when you start to
observe things yourself, you notice behavior patterns of your parents, the
friends who come to visit your parents and the school systems. You keep on
learning and your subconscious keep on storing the information based on your
personal emotional exchange with those observations. The repetition of similar
emotional experiences tends to condition the mind because the subconscious
mind is actively solidifying the patterns of conditioned behavior.
This keeps on expanding further as you grow up more and start to link the
experiences with events. For eg. If you met a rich fellow who is bragging about
his money and is not sincere about his responsibilities, you might create a belief
that all rich kids are brats. If you see this happening even one more time, you
tend to create a deep belief about it.
Identification could be a REASON of Emotional Stress
Identification creates bondages and attachment. I am not saying that one
doesn't need to follow their faith or not be a patriot or not have certain belief
about life, what I am saying is not be blind about its existence and do question
it’s role play in your life.
In your life, whatever you are doing is creating an outcome. That outcome is
relative of your thoughts and emotions you created. If the outcome you created
is helping you get closer to your life goals, then you are doing awesome but if
the outcome is actually pushing you somewhere else or creating stress and
anxiety, then you might want to question the thoughts and emotions which
triggered you to take that action, which led this particular outcome.
Identification can lead to emotional pains
Identification may not allow you to live your best self
Identifications with various tags can create unhealthy relationships
Identifying may hinder your self expansion and spiritual growth
“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings
having a human experience”
-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
As a spiritual being, we want to expand. Irrespective of the nation, religion,
culture or caste, every human is doing it’s expansion in it’s own way. Think of
this, when we make friends, we are expanding. When we get married and
reproduce children, we are expanding. When we create something magical, we
are expanding. When we have the urge to travel to new places, it’s because of
your expansive nature.
If you will keep your self rigid and identified with limited thoughts, norms,
beliefs or dogmas, you can’t expand beyond that. You will remain confined in
that and would never taste the true nature of your being which can encompass
whole universe in it’s divine heart. You are a light which shines bright and if
you let your mind tame it and confine it in one room, you can’t spread your
brightness and experience your own inner power.
It is important for us to appreciate the true value of learning and growing at the
soul level. When you start to look at yourself as a divine spirit and not the other
things, you will suddenly feel liberated from the trap of mind’s identifications.
Unless you do that, you will keep on building negativity due to vast number of
painful attachments in our daily living.
3. LEARNING TO BE SELF AWARE
What is Self Awareness ?
Self Awareness is all about getting to know your deeper self which involves
knowing your values, principles, triggers, passions, desires, needs, flaws and
purpose. It's not necessary to know yourself all at one time and in fact it's never
going to happen. You will learn as you grow, do things, meet people, build
relationships, break relationships, build more, create businesses, deal with your
bosses or fight with strangers on the road. You are going to get to know yourself
more and more every passing day. But, being Self Aware does two things—
1. It makes you realize your thoughts, behaviors, actions, patterns and
personality at large.
2. It helps you becoming more aware of your emotional triggers which leads
you to take hasty decisions and thus, helps you protect yourself from unwanted
Self Awareness will lead you to self knowledge which gives you the power to get
to look into your heart and really know what you want to achieve in your life. It
allows you to look at your flaws, insecurities and hidden fears which actually is
the first step to understand the root cause of any problem. Currently, if you are
experiencing any turbulent situation where you feel disconnected with yourself
or feel stuck in a negative mindset or are unable to solve a relationship
problem, do know that being self aware is the first thing you need to spend
most time on.
Now, let's talk about the components of a human life which are important to
understand to become Self Aware.
You values define your core thinking process and the meaning you give to
things in your life. Values can also be linked to the principles one follows in his
life. Our core values expresses our true nature and align us towards things and
activities in life. Our core values play an extremely important role when we are
trying to figure out our purpose of life. Some of the values that successful and
happier people exhibit are honesty, integrity, kindness, generosity and
tolerance. Values may vary in degree in each person and each value can come
out explicitly in one situation whereas other remains inactive. We increase the
integration of each value in our life by being more aware of it and practicing it
consciously. For eg. if you are looking to become more compassionate than
what you are now, you might want to take steps to build that such as going to
old home care center once a week or giving out meals to homeless people or
volunteering for organization working for human welfare. Once you start to act
towards a certain value, it gets deeper place in your heart and life.
A belief is an idea that a person holds as being true. It's one of the most
fundamental component of human attitude and behavior. You beliefs impacts
your values thus your actions. We don't necessary know everything in the world
but we do have beliefs about most of the things. This is sort of our mind's way
to lead us to decisions and several choices which we need to make to survive,
grow and design a lifestyle.
A belief can come from different sources, including:
a person’s own experiences or experiments
the acceptance of cultural and societal norms (e.g. religion)
education & mentoring
Usually, a person learns to think, behave and act based on the environment of
upbringing. This is the place where potential belief starts to intervene into the
person's mindset. They validate it and practice it, until they accept it as truth,
and adopt it as part of their individual belief system. Each person evaluates and
seeks proper reasons or evidence for these potential beliefs in their own way.
Slowly, the person accept that belief as a wholesome truth and is ready to
defend and fight for the belief he holds so close to his heart.
Most important types of Beliefs :
1. Belief about Self
2. Belief about others
3. Belief about Life
4. Belief about Success
5. Belief about Money
"We are what we think," taught Buddha.
"Change your thinking, change your life," said Ernest Holmes.
4. FACE YOUR TRUTH
The day you start to ask questions to your deeper self is the day you start to get
on the path of meeting your real self
A little part of my own story :
I shifted into a basement apartment after my divorce in New York City. I was
happier having my own little place where I could feel at home. I brought in new
furniture, decorated the house and felt I was slowly accepting my new life. I was
still under medication which I thought was a matter of only few months and I
will come out of it. I started to go to spiritual organizations and met some great
life mentors and teachers who seemed to be saying things which were hitting
my heart and opening it slowly. I was surely getting my soul nourished by
continuous meditation and knowledge of true existence. The process of inner
strengthening had begun.
One day, I read about institution who help you developing skill sets and give
training about becoming a life coach. I was drawn towards it instantly. I
enrolled myself with a hope to share my journey with other people who share
similar interests. During our first session only, I realized that all the people who
were learning to become coach had some tough challenges they went through
and they had this natural drive to help and motivate others. I was quite happy
to have an amazing master coach working on our mindsets as well as imparting
knowledge of life coaching skills.
During the same time, I started to feel really uncomfortable with my job. I
wasn't happy doing what I was doing and it seemed to me I was out of place.
When I look back now and I notice that the reason I felt off with my job was
because I started to recognize my potential and my real longings. I was looking
for options to leave job and do something which was more challenging and I
could love. I started joining some networking groups and during the first meet,
I met a real estate agent who thought i was a great and asked me to join him in
his real estate office. I met him couple of times and I decided to say quit to my
job. When I told this to few of my friends and known people, they were shocked
because they didn't anticipate someone going though a rough patch in their life
leaving a stable job with great benefits for something which was unstable and
uncertain. But, I listened to my heart and left the job life … forever
UNSHAKABLE HAPPINESS COMES WHEN WE BUILD THE
COURAGE TO LET GO OF THE NORMS AND PLUNGE INTO THE
UNKNOWN BY ….. SIMPLY FOLLOWING OUR TRUTH.
THIS HAPPENS WHEN WE KNOW HOW TO SNUB THE OUTSIDE NOISES
AND LEARN TO BE MEDITATIVE IN NATURE.
5. Freedom of Self Dependency
How do you feel about being able to create happiness inside of you, no matter
what is happening outside. It seems quite impossible because we are so
accustomed to look outside for happiness. We don’t understand the concept of
generating happiness without any external aid. Also, the happiness we get from
external sources is short lived and unfulfilling. When these sources disappear,
so is our happiness.
But, if we learn to build a mechanism to become self dependent and generate
pleasant and happy emotions inside, it’s like giving the self a tool to remain
stable and joyful, no matter what is happening outside.
I believe this is the biggest freedom anyone can achieve because more or less,
people tend to build pain and resentment when others misbehave with them, or
rub them in a wrong way. Once, they start to build emotions such as anger,
resentment and jealousy with others, it adds up further pain in the heart and
create a vicious cycle.
So, point is how can one be emotionally stable when others are critical of you,
insult you, doesn’t come up well on your expectations and cheat on you? How
much inner strength would be required to get there… but, most importantly
let’s first see what emotional freedom and self dependency would look like ..
• You no longer are on the mercy of others behaviors to make your happy or
• You don’t take people’s reactions personally
• You don’t hurt yourself by creating negative and self sabotaging emotions
such as guilt, anger, pain etc.
• You don’t react, but respond
• You don’t get caught up and waste your energy in petty arguments and drama
• You are tolerant and forgiving
• You remain peaceful and joyful
• You are so powerful internally that you remain untouched by outside
fluctuations and have inner strength to remain joyful and stable.
Now, this is not a fake type of strength which dissipate in a few days and you
get back to normal behavior of getting pissed when others want you to. This is a
path which keeps on making you stronger every passing day.
This is an inward journey of inner wisdom and strengthening, so it stick around
forever as long as you keep on being aware of your own true self.
In my own experience, I had a miserable time around my divorce. At that time,
I blamed my ex husband for my painful situation and all the problems that
marriage got me into. I was certainly quite weak internally. When we can’t see
clearly inside of us, we tend to only look out and take out emotional outbursts
in various forms. It was only after I heard my deeper voice, I started to look
within and made up my mind to set myself free from external impulses and
build my spiritual strength. Yes, it was a long journey but it not only
transformed me into my best and higher self, It allowed me to serve others in
their life as well.
6. Freedom of choosing happiness over the
pain of past.
Well, you exactly know why this really matters. How many times we simply live
in misery and pain because of the bad experiences which happened in the past.
We have a mind which has memories. The memories play an instrumental role
in creating our thoughts, actions and perceptions. It’s mind which has captured
those negative and fearful emotions and thus keep on bringing them back on
the surface when it’s not required because somehow you become enslaved of
your mental activity and allow your mind to overpower your inner self.
Are You still living in the past and lurking in the blame games of the past
heartaches, painful break-ups and betrayal you went through?
If the answer is yes, then you know that you are not fully living in the moment
and also holding yourself from fearlessly pursuing your life goals.
When you are living in the memories and continuing to create drama, pain and
more anxiety in your life, your mind gets addicted to the pain itself and won’t
let you leave the grasp of those negative and painful emotions.
Let me ask you this, if i delete your past memories, in this very moment, what is
the pain or stress about? If every moment you are living is the only reality and
you don’t have any memory block, would you ever experience the joy or pain of
past moment? Of course, the answer is NO. The only reason we remember the
joyful and painful moments is because we can a mind which stores the
memories. It’s a both a good and a bad thing. Remembering good moments
gives us pleasure and bad ones gives us pain. Now, do remember that pain has
more power on our mind’s working and it takes it quite seriously by which I
mean it clings to it in a deeper way than the pleasures. Pleasures can get out of
your experience quickly but pain is there for a long long time.. Why,,, because
while experiencing heartache, betrayal, a loss or any other unfortunate event,
the impression developed on the mind was very intense. These intense
impressions keep on getting recycled and keep on indulging itself in further
painful thoughts and behaviors.
If you learn to choose between joy and pain, what would you choose? If you
have the capability to tell your mind what to think of and what not to, would
you feel empowered? If you have the inner system that filters out thoughts and
is proactively deleting the negativity from your mind, how would that affect
Most of us don’t have to think hard to answer these questions because we all
know we need more happiness, stability and joy. Then, why can’t we be. It’s
because we don’t have the inner strength and tools to let go of past painful
memories and totally be in the present moment.
As long as you live in a state of revenge, agony, guilt, resentment and regret,
you are not going to be truly happy. It’s like the glass is already full of weed and
even if you water it, you can’t grow new plants. Only if you take the weed out,
sow new seeds, you will enjoy the blooming flowers. That’s how our mind is. It’s
capable of building whatever you want because it’s exactly like a fertile soil in
the garden. It will expand what you put into it. You put love, it expands that.
You put hate, it will expand that. Because it’s not making choices for you, in
fact, you makes choices and you decide what you want to grow and manifest.
By developing the mechanism to control the thought pattern and eliminating
negativity, you get on the path of self empowerment.
• When you no longer are a slave of past memories, you are free of past
burdens and feel joy and peace in your heart.
• Your treat pain and pleasure equally because you know they are going to
come along as a package.
• You become more emotionally resilient and let yourself become fearlessly
involved with life.
• You make wise choices because you learn from each set back
• You become forgiving, tolerant and more self assured no longer seek
revenge to heal.
• You know that true happiness is always accessible to you and you don't
need to do nothing for it, but simply look within.
• Since, you have nothing that now holds you back emotionally, you live each
present day with enthusiasm and full power which leads to internal and
YOU CAN LEARN MORE ABOUT “Attaining Emotional Strength” BY
SIGNING UP FOR 5 DAY FREE PRANAYAMA COURSE — https://
7.Freedom of Self Expression
A lot of times people built tension, stress, anxiety and emotional conflicts
because they are not expressing their true self. The whole reason you are
walking on this planet is the self expression which your soul always pushes you
to do and when it’s not happening, then internally you are always unstable,
distracted and never be able to explode your full potential.
Imagine, if you can express your talents, your inner worth and your true gifts
with the world, how would you feel? Imagine, if everyday is full of excitement,
encouragement, compassion, and sense of fulfillment, how would that feel?
Imagine you can say whatever you want to say without feeling afraid or guilty.
Imagine yourself to be self assured and secured when it comes to your own
deep self expression.
I can imagine the rush in the blood and ecstatic feeling of joy when you really
feel this to be happening with you everyday.
In my coaching practice, I have met numerous talented, driven and ambitious
folks who are doing well externally but they have no emotional stability and
connection within themselves. They seem to be indifferent to the jobs they do
and are sort of lost. It’s more like, doing what is needed and moving on with the
I am not sure if you kind of resonate with this. At one point of time in my life, I
felt lost as well. I started to feel uneasy, unhappy and unsatisfied with my work.
I wanted to get away and find something that makes me feel alive and fulfilled.
This was the time when I was already under antidepressants, but, I somehow
built the courage to leave my job and transition towards finding my true calling.
The reason I was able to do so was because I had already started to work
inwards and put all the practices in place which was evolving me internally and
building the strength to accept who I really was.
When you are emotionally strengthened, you can overcome unnecessary fear
and uncertainty and allow yourself to plunge into unknown, because you start
to build faith in the life itself… how? Because, you start to recognize your
connection with life and it’s immense possibilities.
Expressing yourself is not only linked to your larger purpose, it’s something
that we really use in everyday communication in our intimate relationships, at
our work space, with our friends and pretty much anywhere where we have to
speak our mind out. If you are not sure of your own emotions, how can you
even express it fully. If you are not enough self aware and self assured, what are
the chances of making the right expression outside.
Without a doubt, self expression and emotional display is one of the most
important factor which decides your self esteem, confidence and credibility in
the external world.
Freedom of Self expression is not an unrealistic dream. It’s truly possible but
we do need to do the inner work to aptly use the power of mind and most
importantly controlling of the mental activity related to fear and insecurities.
I have an amazing example of my client who as going through a rough patch
with his wife. He felt quite stuck and unhappy as he found her very controlling.
He grew miserable and angrier. When I started to work with him, I realized that
he doesn’t really know why is he so angry and agitated with his marital life. We
did breathwork practices to let him gain access of his mind, which ultimately
revealed that his most important value ‘freedom’ was getting compromised. He
was feeling closed down and unhappy because of that. His self expression was
compromised. This usually happens with a lot of us at various times and in
various relationships, and if we don’t have any idea of the emotional pain, then
we tend to give wrong reactions rather than solving the main problem. This
increases the mental tension and lead to further stresses and physical health
I mentioned earlier about the conditioning of mind, which apparently is the
reason why people do what they do and why they don't do what they should do.
It’s all coming from the space of your mind. Once we put the practices of yogic
breath work, we immediately become aware of our deeper self, which is by the
way the first step to even know what is your place in this big, complex and
magical creation. You are no longer an unsettled being who is craving for
external support but you become so stable, peaceful and full of energy that
everyone around you start to feel the exuberance and joy in your heart.
This freedom of self expression is a gift that you give to yourself by channelizing
your mind in the direction of emotional stability, internal clarity and activation
of anchor within.
Okay, I think that was a lot to go through. I so wanted to give you a lot to think
about, interrogate your own being and find your truth in your heart :)
I hope you enjoyed this copy.
You can reach me at email@example.com for any question that you might have.
I would be happy to help.
Facebook - www.facebook.com/simiaroracoach/
Linked in- www.linkedin.com/in/simiarora/