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THE SWEETEST Bunny Softies This little bunny is a cute little character that would be suitable for Easter baskets and baby showers.
Merridew 1 Jack Merridew 9 March 2015 Isaac is Illuminati Simon Confirmed There comes a day when everyone wonders, “god damn why can’t fictional characters be real?” They are far more intricate and compelling than real people, and yet so much easier to understand. Often times we wish to speak with our favorite characters, or bang them, or punch them in the face. But of course, these characters remain as fictional as ever. We will never get to speak with them, nor bang them, nor punch them in the face. But there is one exception. Simon from William Golding’s Lord of the Flies has a real life counterpart who is identical in aesthetic, personalities, and circumstances. His name? Isaac. Though Simon and Isaac do not share many physical traits, they have the same aesthetic. Both are literal nature princes. Simon often wanders the jungle alone (Golding 77) and was enthralled by the sight of the world below from atop the mountain (Golding 3840). Isaac’s love of nature can be seen in his admiration of all things fauna and flora, including his desire to sleep out in the woods, even in the bitter winter. In the end, it doesn’t matter that Isaac and Simon do not look alike because you still get the same sort of feeling from looking at them. However, in terms of personality, Simon and Isaac are one and the same. Both are sweet and shy, little softies inside and out. They don’t speak much but are always caring, compassionate, and helpful. This can be seen with Simon’s picking of fruit too high for the smaller children to reach (Golding 78) and Isaac’s willingness to listen to all of his friend’s problems. In spite of their loving and empathetic natures, both boys are incredibly saucy. Simon can be seen sassing Ralph on several occasions and most things that leave Isaac’s mouth are an Merridew 2 impudent remark. Furthermore, Isaac and Simon frequently suffer from fainting spells. This trait is uncommon and the fact that they share it only strengthens their existential bond. In addition, they are easily distracted. Simon leaves in the middle of helping Ralph build shelters to sit out in the jungle (Golding 76), similar to Isaac’s inability to watch one goddamn Ghibli movie in one sitting. Likewise, these boys have a tendency to fuck up. Isaac makes more daily mistakes than can be counted on one hand. A good example of Simon’s fuckuppancy is when he destroys the roof of a shelter he and Ralph were constructing (Golding 69). There are about forty billion other character traits that Isaac and Simon share, but I think you get the point. Finally, we have their identical circumstances. Simon is quite literally stabbed in the back by his friends, as is Isaac, and this follows no misdeed of theirs. Both boys are perfectly innocent and get royally screwed over anyway. Coincidentally, Isaac and Simon are also frequently the voice of virtue or, as some like to call it, the resident Christ figure. Isaac keeps his friend groups in line when it comes to morals and Simon is the only boy on the island who fails to succumb to depravity. In the same vein, both boys tend to know more than they should. Isaac is intuitive to things he should have no knowledge of, such as the surnames of distant friends and unspoken middle names of closer ones. Simon cryptically hints a foresight of events to come when he tells Ralph that he’ll “get back all right” (Golding 159). Summarily, were Isaac to crash onto a deserted island with a bunch of English school boys, he would have the same role as Simon. And if Simon were to live in the 21st century tristate area as a Catholic high schooler, then he would fill Isaac’s shoes perfectly. All in all, Simon and Isaac are one and the same on account of their aesthetics, personalities, and circumstances. So, I have a question for you diehard Lord of the Flies fanatics. Merridew 3 Have you ever wanted to talk to Simon? Punch him in the face? Bang him? Been frustrated by his frustrating fictional attribute? Well, lucky for you, Isaac is infinitely less fictional. Here’s your chance! (To do all the things aside from banging him, I mean, Isaac is mine and you’re gonna have to fight me for his virgin head.) ((I’m serious.)) (((Pistols at dawn, motherfucker.)))