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Love Addiction: Myth vs. Reality
At the height of withdrawal, the love addict will have difficulty working, taking
care of family responsibilities, maintaining a social life or hobbies, or
connecting with others. Isolation, depression, anxiety seep into his/her
existence and, just as with chemical addiction, denial is the primary obstacle to
finding help. People believe they should be able to fix their problem alone.
Following are myths commonly associated with love addiction:
Myth: Love Addiction happens to people who are too sensitive or who read too
many romance novels.
Reality: Love Addiction is a feature of something much deeper than “having
one’s head in the clouds,” or getting caught up in romance. The love addict’s
behavior comes from an unconscious place of pain due to trauma from abuse
(emotional, physical, or sexual) and/or neglect that occurred early in life. By
focusing on someone else, the pain of trauma and/or neglect is avoided,
Myth: Love addiction is something a person should snap out of or grow out of.
Reality: Love addiction develops when reality is too painful for the conscious
mind to manage and so a fantasy version of a loved one and of life with that
Myth: If I love him/her enough (or if I explain myself in the right way, or if I’m
smarter, better looking, more generous or strict, funnier or have more money),
I will be loved in the same way I love him/her and our lives will be perfect.
Reality: Those suffering from Love Addiction are attracted to people who will
not meet their needs. Realistic thinking is skewed and the above myth
illustrates a split from reality and an escape into fantasy.
Myth: Talking about the problem or finding an intellectual solution to change
another person will fix the problem.
Reality: The way out of Love Addiction usually comes when withdrawal sets in,
pain becomes unbearable, denial and fantasy become less entrenched and,
with lowered defenses (particularly denial), the fantasy bubble bursts and the
individual becomes open to receiving help. Awareness is the first step of
If you or someone you know is experiencing love addiction, it is important to
seek the help of a mental health professional, especially if conversation or
behavior becomes erratic or dangerous.
If the situation is not acute, you can find more information about love addiction
and how to break the cycle by reading Facing Love Addiction…Giving Yourself
the Power to Change the Way You Love (by Pia Mellody, Andrea Wells Miller
and J. Keith Miller).
Source Link:- Relationship Therapy Workshop