AV1 01 FEEDBACK .pdf

I  have  seen  your  advertisement  at  the  student  newspaper  and  
I  would  like  applying  for  the  job…  verb  tense,  preposition,  
gerund  versus  infinitive  

I  would  like  to  apply  for  the  position  of  lifeguard  at  the  Corona  
Beach  which  I  saw  advertised  in  the  Sunday’s  newspaper…  
gratuitous  articles,  subordinate  clause  

I  am  26  years  old.  I  am  from  Valparaiso,  where  I  live  with  my  
parents…    subject-­‐verb  repetition  

I  am  a  professional  swimmer,  who  can  perfectly  ensure  the  
safety  of  adults  and  children;  also,  I  enjoy  working  with  people  
every  day…  overconfidence,  alternative  stressing  optimism,  
every  day  versus  everyday,  everyday  versus  in  general  

I  have  learnt  to  work  under  pressure  because  of  the  fact  of  
dealing  with  costumers  and  sorting  out  stressful  situations…  
British  conjugation,  subordinating  clause,  spelling,  verb  choice  

I  am  available  for  an  interview  from  Monday  to  Friday…  
preposition  usage  

I  would  be  grateful  if  you  consider  my  application…  
desperation  versus  appreciation  

Dear  sir  or  madam…  formality,  connotation,  alternatives…  To  
whom  it  may  concern…  

 At  the  present,  I  am  working  at  the  municipal  swimming  pool  
in  this  town  but  it  would  not  give  me  the  opportunity  to  get  
more  experience…  gratuitous  article,  negative  implication,  
professional  advancement  

To  take  or  do  a  course…  I  got  my  raft  license...  got  versus  have,  
possessive  article,  raft  versus  rafting  

every  morning  during  the  week…  every  weekday  morning...  
convenience  versus  dedication  

Hellow,  I’m  Steve  Jones  and  one  of  my  reasons  for  applying  is  
to  be  near  the  sea…  informality,  misguided  priorities,  lack  of  
clarity  

I`m  27  years  old  and  I  always  loved  the  sea  and  its  
environment…  contraction,  verb  tense,  sentence  consolidation  

The  advertised  position  would  allow  me  to  show  up  my  
abilities  as  a  swimmer  keeping  people  safe…  showing  versus  
using,  clarification,  implicit  philanthropy  

I`m  totally  available  to  attend  an  interview  whenever  you  
want…  contraction,  admirable  enthusiasm,  overstatement,  
rephrasing  

I  have  won  a  lot  of  prizes  for  my  very  good  performance  as  a  
swimmer…  informality,  wordiness,  alternatives  

I’m  a  very  sociable  person  who  enjoy  the  contact  with  new  
people…  conjugation,  gratuitous  article,  verb  choice  

I’m  a  teacher  of  English  but  I  decided  to  do  other  things  before  
dedicating  my  life  for  the  teaching…  contraction,  profession  
versus  degree  versus  identity,  verb  tense,  clarification  

My  name  is  Barbara  Holmes  and  I  am  writing  because  I  am  
really  interested  in  apply  for  this  job…  really  versus  very,  stem  
versus  gerund,  clarification  of  job  

I  look  forward  to  hearing  from  you  in  a  near  future…  article  
usage,  clarification  of  intent  

I  did  a  swimming  course  three  months  ago,  so  I  have  a  
qualification  on  it…  did  versus  take,  qualified  versus  having  
qualifications,  preposition  usage  

A  friend  of  mine  told  me  about  the  job  and  ,  I  would  really  like  
to  get  it…  informality,  better  alternatives  

Currently  I  am  working  in  a  restaurant  as  a  waitress…  
preposition  usage,  redundancy  given  nature  of  job  

I  want  this  opportunity  of  job  because  I  know  that  I  am  good  
and  also  this  job  would  be  perfect  for  my  curriculum…  want  
versus  look  forward  to,  goodness  versus  candidacy,  implicit  
opportunism  

I  used  to  work  at  a  Sports  Company  where  I  taught  surfing  and  
kayaking  during  2  years…  proper  nouns,  good  vocabulary,  
imperfect  past,  during  versus  for,  number  spelling  conventions  

I  put  a  lot  of  effort  in  everything  I  do  and  I  am  also  very  
responsible.  Punctuality  is  the  most  important  virtue  I  have…  a  
lot  versus  great,  in  versus  into,  relevance  of  punctuality  

 

Not  only  saving  lives  but  also  enjoying  beautiful  beach  views  
and  landscapes,  make  me  really  happy…  informality,  negative  
construction  

I  am  available  to  attend  an  interview  whenever  you  consider  it  
appropriate…    moral  implications  of  appropriateness,  better  
alternatives,  use  of  interview  as  verb  

I  am  consider  myself  very  suitable  for  this  kind  of  job,  due  to  
my  vast  experience  in  the  field  of  Swimming  and  service  
assistance,  even  more  guard,  protect  and  save  people…  
elementary  grammar,  kind  of  versus  specific  job,  as  a  swimmer  
and  in  the  service  industry,  incoherent  transition  to  even  more  
clause  

Currently,  I  spend  3  days  a  week  to  teach  how  to  swim  for  
children  for  free  in  a  community  of  my  neighborhood,  
unfortunately  it  is  my  only  job,  unpaid  work,  by  far,  because  of  
that  the  reason  of  my  application;  consequently,  I  am  
immediate  availability…  coherence  issues,  implicit  
irresponsibility,  adverb  usage  

I  hope  you  really  consider  my  application  for  the  job,  thanks  
for  your  time…  misplaced  adverb,  comma  splice,  informal  
speech  

I  am  writing  for  you  because  I  have  read  your  advertisement  
on  the  local  bulletin  board  and  I  want  to  apply  for  it…  for  
versus  to,  gratuitous  phrase,  in  response  to  the  advertised  
position  

I  made  a  course  after  I  finished  high  school  in  Lifeguarding  
techniques  and  knowledge  about  perils  of  the  deep  blue,  and  I  
had  been  working  6  years  at  the  beach,  but  in  other  regions;  
Pay  was  good,  but  people  are  very  unconscious  about  being  
out  of  perils…  confusing  verb  choice  and  tenses,  repetition  of  
vocabulary  

I  will  be  able  during  the  whole  week  to  attend  your  phone  call  
in  case  of  an  interview…  emphasis  on  call  rather  than  
interview  

I  would  be  happy  to  attend  an  interview  at  any  time…  happy  
versus  pleased,  whenever  your  schedule  allows,  whenever  
most  convenient  for  you  

I  enjoy  doing  water  sports,  all  summers  I  go  to  the  beach  to  do  
surfing…  gratuitous  verb,  all  versus  every,  to  surf  

I  am  studying  Physical  Education  in  a  prestigious  University  in  
Madrid,  my  area  is  swimming…  in  versus  at,  a  versus  that,  area  
versus  major  

I  am  always  keeping  eye  on  the  rest  of  the  people…  the  rest  of  
the  people,  gratuitous  article,  like  phrase  itself  

Despite  that  I  am  happy  working  at  my  school  I  would  like  to  
pass  it  to  my  brother  and  find  a  new  job  due  to  I  have  to  deal  
with  all  the  problems  of  my  school  by  my  own  and  it  tires  me  a  
lot…  run-­‐on  sentence,  technical  issues  

I  would  like  to  apply  for  the  job  of  Beach  Lifeguard  Assistant  I  
saw  advertised  in  a  newspaper…  subordinating  transition  

I  love  helping  people  as  much  as  I  enjoy  running  along  the  
beach  and  going  to  the  gym  every  night  because  of  my  
building  body…  along  versus  on,  body  building,  to  work  out,  
redundant  qualification  

I  would  appreciate  you  consider  my  application…  passive  voice  

Recently,   I   have   been   graduated   from   the   National   Naval  
Academy,   from   where   I   acquired   an   extensive   knowledge   of  
first  aids  and  I  am  a  strong  swimmer  because  I  have  worked  at  

the  beach  as  a  lifeguard  during  my  academic  years…  multiple  
issues  to  be  addressed  line-­‐by-­‐line  

I  recently  quitted  my  last  job  because  of  personal  problems…  
conjugation,  due  to  versus  because  of,  issues  versus  problems,  
for  personal  reasons  

At  present  I  am  in  charge  of  security  in  an  important  company.  
I   have   worked   here   for   two   years   since   I   retired   of   the   Navy  
because   of   an   accident   during   a   routine   checkup.   However,   I  
am   completely   recovered   now…   at   a   company,   here   versus  
there,  misuse  of  office  equipment,  peculiarity  of  accident  

I   have   a   vast   experience   dealing   with   people   because   of   my  
former   part-­‐time   job…   gratuitous   article,   inconsistency   of  
vastness  with  part-­‐time-­‐ness  

I  was  really  into  it  [my  former  job]  but  now  is  getting  more  and  
more   boring   every   time,   the   number   of   people   that   go  
swimming   has   been   decreasing   faster   every   time   and  
sometimes   there   is   nothing   to   do…   omitted   subject   pronoun,  
meaning   of   every   time,   that   versus   who,   convoluted  
articulation  

I   am   twenty   five   years   old   and   I   am   from   Viña   del   Mar,   but  
currently  I  am  living  in  San  Felipe…  subject-­‐verb  repetition,  use  
of  but  rather  than  and  

I  am  available  for  interviews  on  mondays,  wednesdays  and  
saturdays  during  the  morning  and  tuesdays  and  thursdays  in  
the  afternoon,  so  you  can  call  me  to  my  phone  number…  
capitalization,  singular-­‐plural  issue,    use  of  so  
I   saw   in   a   public   newspaper   the   advertisement   about   the  
lifeguard   assistant   required   by   you…   need   for   sentence  
reconstruction  

I  saw  your  advertisement  in  a  local  student’s  newspaper  and  I  
am   interested   in   applying   to   become   a   lifeguard   assistant…  
adjective   versus   possessive   adjective,   applying   for   the   position  
of  rather  than  to  become  

I   would   like   to   work   [as   a   lifeguard]   so   I   could   help   in   some  
way   to   decrease   the   quantity   of   persons   who   drown   every  
year…  overwritten  

I  will  wait  for  your  answer…  I  look  forward  to  your  response