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Copyright © Keegan Badenhorst, 2016
All Rights Reserved
This book is subject to free download.
Namaste my readers of art.
This is a book for all those who
question their emotions and sometimes
stay confused because of how they
feel. I have written this book as a way
to share my emotions and feelings
towards life, hoping your feelings are
mutual, and breathe some de-ja-vu into
our sometimes empty lives.
I called this The Red Cloud Collections
because of my affinity with red as well
my emotion when seeing a red cloud.
That emotion can vary depending on
the day but when I see that cloud my
mind slips away.
Thank you for this opportunity and I
hope you feel inspired.
#1 – Feel The Colours, See The Notes
Today I found myself having a moment of ignorant bliss.
What was my distraction? The simple sounds of drums.
The inexplicable sound of a piano playing as a high
pitched siren sung over the beat. It was almost as if I had
just experienced what people have said is called
‘Colour Synthesia’. Basically, I could visually picture
the colours of the various sounds I was hearing.
Apparently Pharrell Williams has it.
The reason why this moment stood out so much was
because of the shear timing of the music. I had the
morning thought provoking conversation with my dad. I
had the usual bickering sessions with my mom and I
listened to the same music I listened to. All the music I
received from last week. It was in the late afternoon that
I came to the conclusion: I was attempting to study for
something I really had no interest in. As much as I loved
the concept of teaching English to my elders, I came to
terms with the fact that this vision was just not mine
anymore. It marks almost a week since my return from a
local clinic. I had entered before at 19 and learned more
about my mental illnesses and indeed, the first time was
more depressing than the last. This time around, I stayed
for a shorter period of time and gathered more
information about myself in that small space than in my
entire period of the year. Not only was I more self-aware
of my habits and rituals but relationships with people
had come to the hilt, some however I became closer
In this simple moment, I felt connected to the earth. I
could hear red clouds in the distance talking about rain
as if it were parcels to be delivered. I could hear the
black mulberries gossip about how much more ripe they
were than the red ones. In half of my afternoon dream I
had my eyes closed, allowing me to really go all hippy
and be one with nature.
I began to play the first song of this glorious album and
for probably 5 seconds, I kept my eyes closed. Then, I
opened them and saw the notes roll out and pass me like
a steam train. I could never really explain this feeling
because of how new it was, almost like having your first
Mc’Flurry. The notes were clear and precise looking, not
at all distracting but not alluring enough to keep all of
my attention. I took a deep breath and as I exhaled I saw
all the notes fade away like smoke, realistically looking
like how the Cheshire Cat would fade out.
I had felt notes before; my first memory being of the first
time I played a piano using both hands. Nothing,
however, had felt like this. I was actually able to visually
see notes as they played in the background.
Certainly, this is what a cotton-candy stomach feels like.
How do you feel right now?
I tried to make myself a soldier but I can’t fight
I’m seeing shadows in the corner in daylight
I tried to put myself to sleep but I’m not right
And now I’m late and I have got 21 days to be confined
It ain’t a choice for me, I didn’t chose to be whack
If I could change it for myself, I’d change all of that
I got a huge roster of badly burned hearts
None that I broke, they all just fell apart
First Day Impressions
I’ll be in this place for about 21 days
but I’m chilled
Yes I’m chilled
All these random people that I don’t
know keep on asking how I feel,
Is this how I feel?
Wake up in the morning, not knowing
if this is really who I am.
Is this who I am?
All these other people say I’m crazy
but they just don’t understand
They just don’t understand
You’ve got your power, I’ve got mine
I’ve got time; I’ve got space between
my fingers for a cigarette
What you wanna bet, I’ll be better with
Slowly seeping through my veins,
chemicals inside my brain
I don’t even feel the same as I did
They tell me that my mind is whack;
they tell me that I should fight back
I just don’t have time for that; my
mood hits the floor
I’ve got the power; the will is in my
But the pills are in my hand and my
brain don’t understand why they’re
But I guess I gotta try ‘cuz I cannot be
that guy who gets moody all the time
I am the one with the power
I’ve got my own tower, just need to go
I am the one to be free, you have
nothing on me
So I’ll just keep being me and I’ll just
keep being free
I am free.
Sleeping beauty in my bed
I just love her in my bed
She just swags it out instead
Roll the dice and bank the head
Blue be on the wall like ocean,
Always on the cherry sucker
Want it all like early supper
Colour in the pages
Count it all with yo’ pepper clicker
Hold me by the side
Damn baby you pop the picture
Look up in the mirror
See me baby, see me baby, see me
Lampposts’ by the side of your house
Hit me up when we chill by the south
Wipe the good shit off my whole mouth
Damn baby, damn baby, damn
Check the past up in your head
Roll out just like the commentator said
Used me in the dark, loved me in the light
Get the best reception
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