Romeo and JulietEnglish Version

Romeo and Juliet English Version By Me! Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare He was a cool guy  ACT 4 Scene 1 Friar Lawrence and Paris are talking. FRIAR LAWRENCE You seriously have to marry her on Thursday? PARIS Yep. My dad really wants me to marry her. FRIAR LAWRENCE But I already married her to Romeo. PARIS wut. FRIAR LAWRENCE Did I say something? Juliet enters PARIS Heeeeey wife. JULIET I’m not your wife yet stop it. PARIS You will be on Thursday can I just start calling you Mrs. Paris now? It has to happen. JULIET Stop getting in between me and my star-crossed lover. PARIS wut. JULIET Nothing. I guess whatever has to happen happens. FRIAR LAWRENCE True dat. PARIS Please just... I don’t know. Promise the friar that you love me. JULIET Fine. Friar, I promise I love him. (CONTINUED)  CONTINUED: 2. PARIS And you’ll tell me that too? JULIET No. PARIS Wait, why? JULIET Because it’ll mean more if I don’t tell you. Not because you suck and I’m only marrying you because my dad’s making me. PARIS Oh, ok. You look sad. JULIET It doesn’t matter if I cry because I’m ugly. PARIS That doesn’t even make sense. Besides, you’re not ugly. Future Mrs. Paris can’t ugly. Your face is mine!!!! JULIET Stop calling me that. And no it’s not. My face is mine. I can call it ugly all I want. PARIS No your face is mine and you hurt its feelings. JULIET I’m sorry, face. Hey, Friar? Do you have time for some teenage relationship drama now or should I see you after mass? FRIAR LAWRENCE I always have time for teenage relationship drama. Paris, go away. It’s time for some girl talk. PARIS Whoa man, didn’t mean to interrupt girl time. That’s serious. I’ll leave you two alone. See you bright and early Thursday, future Mrs. Paris, because we are getting married! He exits JULIET CLOSE THE DOOR SO I CAN AAAANGST!! THE WORLD IS OVER!!!1!!!! (CONTINUED)  CONTINUED: 3. FRIAR LAWRENCE I KNOW RIGHT IT’S SO AWFUL F YOUR LIIIIFE! God why do you have to marry this douchebag on Thursday. Why can’t we move back the wedding this sucks balls. JULIET No but seriously if anyone knows how to stop this wedding it’s you so make it stop. And if you can’t just say it now because I brought a knife and I’m gonna kill myself. FRIAR LAWRENCE wut. PROFESSOR SNAPE CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHAT FORESHADOWING IS? SHAKESPEARE trololo JULIET Really, I married Romeo. You married us, you should know this. We are star-crossed lovers. Star. crossed. Paris is getting in the way of the stars. He can’t do that. So I’ll just kill myself it’ll make everything better. Can you give me some advice? Right now I’m really not seeing any better options, I’m just gonna do it. I don’t really want to marry Paris. Romeo’s the stars, you can’t beat that. So if you’re gonna give me advice do it quickly. I’m seriously ready to just stick this knife right in my stomach and be done with this. FRIAR LAWRENCE C’mon. Let’s not make any decisions we’ll regret later. You don’t have to kill yourself, let’s save that for act five. JULIET Do you have a better idea? FRIAR LAWRENCE Kill yourself. JULIET Ok. How do you want me to do it? Should I just jump off a building or go over to the bad side of town or what? Ooh, I could also use poisonous snakes or bears or something. Or you could just bury me alive, no muss no fuss. Man, there are so many cool ways to kill yourself! I’m kinda upset I only get to do it once, not gonna lie. (CONTINUED)  CONTINUED: 4. FRIAR LAWRENCE No. Here’s what you’re gonna do. Go be all happy future Mrs. Paris until Wednesday night. It’s only one day, you’ll survive. That night, take this-He pulls out a vial. JULIET ...poison? Really? I just listed off a lot of really good suicide methods and we’re just gonna do posion? Show some imagination! FRIAR LAWRENCE Shut up and listen. So, you take this and your heart stops, you don’t breathe, and you lose your nice rosy glow. JULIET So basically you die. FRIAR LAWRENCE No. You’re just sleeping. JULIET So you’re sleeping, but your heart stops. FRIAR LAWRENCE Yep. JULIET Seems legit. FRIAR LAWRENCE So, for fourty-two hours, you’re basically dead. Everyone’ll come in to try and marry you but oops you’re not alive. So, they’ll dress you up all fancy and put you in a tomb because that’s what we do with dead people. I’ll tell Romeo you’re not actually dead, you’re just lying in a tomb with your heart not beating, he’ll come, and you can run off together into the sunset! Unless you pussy out. Because you’re a girl. JULIET Stop being a sexist dickwad and give me the vial. I was literally two seconds away from stabbing myself do you really think I’m scared of poison? He gives her the vial FRIAR LAWRENCE Cool. I’ll go send someone to tell Romeo you’re not dead. (CONTINUED)  CONTINUED: 5. JULIET Love give me strength. FRIAR LAWRENCE Have fun killing yourself. Exit seperately